caroline holzberger

One or two? Two or one?

If you are one of those people who have great vision I’m jealous of you then you may not know what the title of this post is all about. You may think it could be a lesson about Math. Or perhaps some sort of riddle?

No, cool kid, this is reality to the rest of us who grew up with consistent eye exams. My dear, sweet husband, just now, at age thirty-cspmish may need glasses for driving at night or reading in low light. Gosh, I don’t at all feel bad for him!

For the rest of us, we know all too well about this process. The sweet little eye-assistant-person sits you down in a dark room, removes the only ocular device that helped you safely get in there, and then, Whammo! You have some choices to make.

Yes, I skipped the “little puff of air” trauma for fear of scaring some of you off who are scheduled to see the eye doctor soon. See? I love Jesus. Little puff of air my foot! That is about the same as a nurse telling you that you aren’t getting a shot, just a “little finger prick”. OUCH! Now, I can’t use that finger for two days straight, woman!

So, you sit there, with the little eye-glasses-machine-thingy in front of your face and she keeps giving you options.

Which is better?

One or two? Two or one?

Uhhhh, two. No, one. Oh shoot, I think two is better!

Ok, Two or three? Three or two?

Um, maybe two? Or three? Wait, no, it’s two, no, no, definitely three!

Ok, three or one? One or three?

No way! You are bringing number one back? Didn’t I already cast that aside? Now I’m just confused!?!

That continues on for an eternity about another twenty minutes, which is equivalent to fifty different options, given with twelve combinations, each in a different order. Sigh.

At this point, your head hurts, your eyes are dry from trying not to blink while she switches it from one to two, back to three and then one again. You know how clearly you see every single day from this day forth and the amount of headaches you get from squinting, all are riding on this choice.

Gee, no pressure.

I sort of felt that way last week, with my Mayo trip #2.

A mere thirty days after driving to Mayo for the first time, and experiencing all God had for me there, we were loading up to do it again. Only, this time, I was leaking spinal fluid. Rock on. So, I had a choice to make; was I going to trust once again in God’s faithfulness or was I going to focus on the really stinkin’ big needle that waited for me there?

Would I choose to focus on the fruit or the foe?

Huh!?!

I can’t help but think of Joshua and Caleb.

These two men were leaders among the Israelite people. Now, mind you, these Israelites have been traveling in the dessert for years and years now. You would think they’d be all about getting to this Promised Land flowing with milk and honey that they’ve been hearing so much about all these years. So, here they are, Joshua and Caleb, along with ten other leaders, who were sent by Moses to go over into the Promised Land and take stock of it. They were to check it out and bring a report back of what they saw. So, off they went. And, back they came.

Twelve men went together, but twelve men did not come back together with the same outlook.

The other ten guys gave their report; “We went in to the land where you sent us; and it certainly does flow with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. Nevertheless, the people who live in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large; and moreover, we saw the descendants of Anak there.” Numbers 13:27-28

They should have just stopped at verse 27. They should have said “Look at this, everyone!! We brought back this fruit as proof of what this land is like and we saw the milk and honey flowing with our own eyes! It was unbelievable! We are finally here; let’s do this thing!”

Nope. They carried onto to verse 28. They had a ‘nevertheless’ type of faith. They had to mention the big ol’ guys, in the big ol’ cities with their big ol’ walls. It was too scary. They were too afraid.

They had a choice. One or two? Two or one?

Were they going to focus on the fruit God gave them; the proof of His faithfulness. Were they going to celebrate the fact that this land did indeed flow with milk and honey? Were they going to rejoice at finally being at their Promised Land?

Or were they going to focus on the bad guys, the big walls, and the danger of it all.

Unfortunately, ten of these guys went with choice number two. It was only Joshua and Caleb who focused on choice number one.

Joshua tried to tell them, “The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the LORD. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them.” Numbers 14:7-9

Do you see the confidence Joshua had in God? The assurance of His faithfulness?

And this is all despite the reality before them. Because I want to be clear, friend, the danger they faced was real! They didn’t make this stuff up; there really were bad guys with big weapons protecting these giant cities. The danger was real. But so was the God they followed there. They chose to focus more on the problem they faced, than on the problem-solver they served.

What about you? What about me?

Do you tend to look at things so practically and rationally; analyzing everything down until you’ve squeezed out any room for faith?

Do you plan and organize your schedule so tightly that there is simply no room for God to fit in a miracle?

Life is tough. Trust me, I get it. We face our own dangerous realities all the time. But, each and every time, we have a choice. Are we going to listen to the others around us saying it is too dangerous, unlikely, or impractical?

Are we going to go with choice one or two? Two or one?

I am home from Mayo trip #2 now, yet I am not making choices. I have to wake up every single day and decide if I will choose faith or fear. I am still in quite a bit of pain. I still can’t walk around more than the occasional trip to the little girl’s room. It always takes a week or two for me to be able to fully determine whether a patch has sealed the leak. So, looming overhead is the all-too-familiar fear cloud.

“Has this worked?”

“Am I actually going to start getting better now?”

“These doctors are the best of the best; if they can’t help me, who can?”

“I can’t lie flat on the couch and miss my third holiday season in a row!”

Fruit or foe? One or two? Two or one?

Yesterday, I am disappointed to admit, I completely blew it chose number two. I let my resolve waiver and I got too caught up in my emotions. I chose fear over faith.

I hate it when I do that.

I feel I’ve wasted a whole day walking around, ok, lying around, blindly. Then, I remember that I won’t see any of this clearly until I am with Jesus.

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

I often have no clue what God is up to. I know I cannot see most of what He is doing through this whole ordeal. I know very little of what He is working out in and through me, during this. I just have to trust. I have to wake up and choose number one.

Friend, so do you.

It is not just a daily thing. It is almost a minute-ly thing. Yes, I just made up that word. You can start off your day great, having a heavenly vision for your day. But, it takes no time at all for the enemy and the sin of this world to be splattered in your face clouding your vision completely!

And, just like my eye exam flashback, friend, the choice to follow God or not will absolutely determine how clearly you see from here on out!

I encourage you (and me!) to celebrate the fruit He has shown you. Believe that the milk and honey are really there ahead of you. Trust that God can handle the bad guys, the big walls, and the giant cities. He really does have this covered.

Faith in Him and Him alone, really is the only clear choice.

My Anthem

I often slept through wasn’t a fan of my history classes. In general, it is safe to say that I spent as little time as possible, during my schooling years, studying for history. English, I liked, mainly because I loved my teacher I had junior and senior year. (Mrs. Driver (“Aunt Liz”) if you’re reading this, I won’t use the word wonderful once, ok?) Math, I liked more. I was pretty good at it, and I generally had friends in those classes. Bonus.  But, there was something about history that was always so boring to me.

Now, as a somewhat more mature adult, I have grown to respect history and have found myself enjoying learning about what happened in the past, sort of.

For instance, did you know that our national anthem was actually written as a poem? Frances Scott Key was just a lawyer and amateur poet. Basically, the Caroline version, is that he was sent on a mission to help round up some guys who were prisoners of the British army. He was sent to exchange our prisoners for theirs. He and another guy were held captive for a while, by the British officers, until the battle was over. During this battle, Key witnessed the “bombs bursting in air” and “rockets red glare”, but he wasn’t sure of who won the battle. That is, until dawn, when he saw the American flag flying triumphantly.

Now, almost two-hundred years later, we sing those same words in celebration. We honor the battles that were fought to secure our freedom. We pause and reflect on that freedom we so readily take advantage of. We are energized by the triumphant boldness of our confidence in our nation. We sing proudly, united by one heart-felt feeling; we are free.

I have my own anthem, of sorts. This song is the one I go to in times of joy, fear, anticipation, and praise. I stop and reflect on all God has done. I pause, and thank Him for the freedom from sin I so often forget about. I celebrate the battles that God has won over my enemy. I am energized by the triumph I know I have over the bondage of sin. I sing proudly, knowing for sure, friend, that I am free.

The words to this particular song are so powerful to me. I think the reason for that is that they place all confidence in Him. Get this,

I AM NOT IN CONTROL!

This is something I have fought, and still fight sometimes. I want to be in control. I want things to go my way. But, it truly does come down to this simple truth: You either trust God, or you don’t. Period.

These lyrics remind me of a defining moment in the Bible.

The book of Acts is all about spreading the Word of God. Jesus had died. Jesus had risen. And, now He had gone back to sit at the right hand of the Father. (Acts 5:31)

So, now the apostles are getting out there and takin’ care of business. The book of Acts is written all about what they do for Christ after His death. There are stories of Peter and Paul and others getting out there and sharing the Truth of Jesus. The particular part of Acts that I think of during my anthem is in Acts 5.

Word was spreading like wildfire. Peter and the apostles were healing people, and doing all types of miracles by the power of the Holy Spirit. They were boldly speaking of the Truth that Jesus taught and the lies that the Pharisees held on to.

At the beginning of Acts 5, Peter had just called a man named Ananias out on the table. He was lying and keeping money for himself. He wasn’t fooling Peter and he wasn’t fooling God.

Ananias and his wife both dropped dead.

This was serious stuff.

So, after so much good had been done in Jesus’ Name, people were doing all they could to be a part of this revolution.

Acts 5:15 “As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter’s shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by.”

Wow. Talk about some faith! They were just hoping that his shadow touched them! But, now the Pharisees had had enough. They were jealous of all the attention these apostles were getting, so they locked them up. That’s right, into jail they went!

As if a jail could keep God out. That’s almost funny.

Acts 5:19 “But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the doors of the jail and brought them out.”

The angel told them to go to the temple courts and “tell the people the full message of this new life.”

Not, the next town. Not an underground church surrounded by believers. Nope. They were told to go right back in the face of those who had thrown them in jail. Right into the temple courts and begin again.

At daybreak, that is what they did.

So, here are these Pharisees and other religious leaders just hanging out, walking to “work” that day, and when they got there, who did they see!? Yep, the apostles they had jailed were at it again! Shocked, they even sent a guy to check the jail out. Sure enough, it was still all locked up, but empty. I kinda wonder if they were having some déjà vu of Jesus’ tomb.

So, now they’re really ticked off! They just want to kill the apostles and get this over with!

But, then it happens. The moment of the story that makes me think of my awesome anthem.

This guy, a Pharisee named Gamaliel, who is not on their side at all, stood up and made an announcement.

He reminded the leaders of two men who had come before trying to spread some kind of false teaching. Each of these men gathered hundreds of followers, but then they were killed, and their followers scattered. Nothing ever happened with those guys, so why should these be any different?

Then, he said something so true, so profound, and so quick to hit at the heart of who I am.

Acts 5:38-39 “Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.”

Amen, dude!

I needed this reminder tonight.

As I face yet having another blood patch tomorrow morning, my eleventh in the last four years, I can’t help but get a little nervous. You can be assured the enemy has thrown some serious attacks my way today. I know I am at war. I have had brief moments of weakness and fear. But, hear me friend, GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, AND ALL THE TIME, HE IS GOOD!

He has not let me waiver. He has continually strengthened me. He has given me ounce after ounce after ounce of strength that I need. His strength, too, by the way. Mine would have run out by 10am.

This incredible song reminds me of Romans 8:31 “If God is for us, who can be against us?”

So true, so true.

I don’t know what you are facing, friend.

Maybe the threat of a lay off.

Maybe the decision to accept a job.

Maybe debt, or illness, or the weight of depression.

I don’t know.

But, God does.

And, listen to me, He is for you.

Commit your way to Him. Read His Word. Be humble. Seek wise council with trusted friends who are listening to God, too. Trust Him with every area of your life.

Do this; and nothing will get in your way. Correction: nothing will get in His way.

Now, it is time to sing my anthem. It can be your anthem, too, friend.

My God is your God.

Just like the title of my anthem, by Chris Tomlin, says: He is Our God.

And, He loves us both.

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.”

PS. If you don’t want to be done praisin’, feel free to keep it up with PAW Time and 99 Bottles of Beer in the Wall

29 Is SO Far From 30

May I just tell you, friend, that the title of this post is loaded. For those of us who have turned our age from one decade to the next, we get it. Leaving teenage years to turn twenty doesn’t count, by the way. That’s something you want to do. I am fairly sure that is the last time most people get excited about entering the next decade. Except maybe turning 100..then you get to have your face on a Smucker’s jelly jar on the Today show. That would be cool. But, sheesh, that is a long way away.

This dread, if you will, was no different for yours truly. And the two celebrations couldn’t have been more different.

I decided, at the wise age of twenty-nine that I wanted to throw myself a birthday party. It sounds selfish, but I had thrown quite a few for my kiddos at this point and I just decided “Hey, how come kids are the only ones who are allowed to have cool parties? I mean, I don’t want people to bring me a gift, I just want to hang out with my friends, play games and have fun.” So, we did.

I busted out my delightful Cricut scrapbooking talents and whipped up a super cute invite, she said humbly. I was a little proud of myself for its cuteness and it had all my favorite colors. I picked about five couple friends that I wanted to be with and invited them to my last twenty-something party. The planning was half the fun. I planned the menu to be fairly easy to prepare and yummy to eat. I chose quite a few heavy appetizers that I knew my pals loved, my favorite desserts, and some yummy snacky goodness.  It took a few trips to the store to remember it all, but overall, I was turning into quite the savvy party planner.

The day of the event, I woke up early and prepped some food. I showered, got cute (I had lost all my baby Benjamin weight and was feeling kinda hot!), and my date (aka, husband) and I began the commute. I had planned to host this event at my parents’ house (which was actually my grandparents’ house before them) because it was a lot bigger and more party friendly. Plus, it had a different colored shag carpet in every room. C’mon people, that is just plain cool.

We got to the house, finished making all the food and then set up the entertaining area. I had decided to spare the budget by not buying balloons or pin the tail on the middle aged donkey.  Wise choice. My friends were warned though, games would be played. I am borderline obsessed with love playing games. I love Catch Phrase. I love the former drinking game for some, but now just as fun sober, “I Never” game. I love charades and Pictionary and Cranium and just about anything that gets a group of people together. Fun is had by all. And, even better, people’s walls tend to come down. I’m all about that because I have no walls…so this levels the playing field.

We had a blast! Everybody came. We spent hours just hanging out, chatting and catching up, laughing our heads off, stuffing our faces, and of course, playing game after game. A few of my friends didn’t obey the clearly stated “No gifts, please” rule, but those ladies are big on giving, so I should have known better! (I love you! You know who you are!:) Overall, it was a fantastic party – one I will never forget! I mean seriously, look how cute we were…

Fast forward one year and things were…let’s just say, quite a bit different. I knew that twenty-ten was creeping up on me day by day, but I was more concerned with the monster child growing big inside my belly. This little darling was not being kind to Mama and had already caused all types of drama. Little did we know that would be prophetic! J I was on modified bed rest and couldn’t walk far without quite a bit of pain. I’ll spare you the specific details. You’re welcome.

My friends will remember that I was rockin’ the automated hover round everywhere I went those days. Yep, me and the elderly, we rocked that puppy! So, I was huge and miserable and turning twenty-ten. Awesome.

I didn’t plan a party this time because I wasn’t feeling much like partying like a rock star in the hover round. My birthday fell on a Sunday that year and so I spent the majority of the morning at my job, at the time, at our awesome church. I had just worked two services, stayed for a while after to make sure all was well and I was pretty much done. My kids were done. Ryan was done. It was time to go.

Then, my boss, our children’s pastor, said he needed to talk with me for a few minutes. I love Pastor Scott. He is the man. He loves Jesus, loves his job and is a phenomenal leader. But, he, like me, was gifted with the talent of words. I knew this would be no short meeting. So, we stood and chatted about a few things. Then, a few more. Then some more. Ok, Scott, now I can’t feel my feet.

Finally, three days later we were done and he and I and our co-worker that we’d been “meeting” with all went through the foyer to leave. Ryan and the kids were beyond ready to go, and so was I. Um, can someone say buffet time for Mama! Can I get a witness? Then, I hear “Hey Caroline, one more quick thing, follow me.”

Insert somewhat of a bad word here. Dear ol’ Pastor Scott had no children. He most certainly had never birthed one. He also did not currently have one severely pushing down on his pelvis like I did right at that moment. I rolled my eyes obeyed, and followed him. I’m so darn obedient. J

He was a few steps ahead, so Ryan followed, and I waddled as quickly as I could into our youth room. I turned the corner of what should have been an empty Youth area and was greeted with a hundred faces and a loud “SURPRISE!!” Almost peed my pants here.

Surprise what!?!?! Oh ya, today is February 15^th 2009. I am officially twenty-ten!

I had teased for years at how much I looooove surprise parties. Hint, hint. I had helped plan so many for family and friends, they were just awesome! But, I couldn’t get anybody to throw me one. Until now.

I just stood there and looked around the room at all of these wonderful faces I loved. I was shocked! I had kinda hoped Ryan would do something like this. A very small part of me thought something was up a couple days prior – but nothing like this. There were SO many people there. I kept seeing new face after new face that I loved, and thinking Oh hey! I know you! I like you!

I’m not sure exactly what my face looked like at that moment – oh wait – ya I am…

Lovely, isn’t it!? Ya, not so much. 🙂 But, I was one happy girl!

Oh what a difference a year makes!

Twenty-nine – Was all planned out. I picked the day, the time, the people, the food, the invites, the games, even the cute sweater I would wear. I was skinny, I felt cute and was ready to party! I had spent weeks anticipating it, planning it, looking forward to it! It was perfect – after all, it was planned ahead of time by me!

Twenty-ten – I was shocked. I almost peed my pants. I was tired, in pain, and felt more like a beached whale than a birthday girl. And, of course, there were a TON of people there to see me in all my Shamu-ness. I had no idea it was coming. I was unprepared.  I had no part in planning it. I was completely taken by surprise in every way. It was still amazing, of course – but it wasn’t at all planned by me!

What a difference a year makes.

What a difference a shoreline makes.

Huh!?

Take Moses and Joshua, for instance. Same scenario, just less birthday cake.

They both followed God to a shoreline, but oh how different their experiences were. Most people know about how God saved Moses and the Israelites at the Red Sea. That story gets put up on video screens and Bible story posters in children’s churches everywhere. But, often, people don’t know God parted water once again for His people.

God led the Moses and the Israelites to the shore of the Red Sea. They got there, looked at this vast amount of water and then they glanced behind them. Ex. 14:10 “As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them.”

What in the world!?  They all must have thought. In front of them, the Red Sea. Behind them, all of a sudden, the entire Egyptian army, 600 chariots strong. Talk about a big “SURPRISE!!” but this one didn’t come with presents, friend.

They pretty much freaked out.

They cried out to God and to Moses and basically said “HELP! Was there not enough room in the cemetery back at Egypt for us, so that you had to lead us out here to be killed by Pharaoh? You should have just left us well enough alone!”

Moses answered these scaredy cats, (Ex. 14:13-14) “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

There must have been much rejoicing at that announcement. Oh good! Today we will be saved. Today we will see the deliverance of the Lord. Let’s do this thing, today! Like, now!

Then there’s good ol’ Joshua.

Here he is, about forty years later leading the next generation of Israelites into the Promised Land. Same song, different verse. Here they are at the border of the very land Moses himself wanted to step foot on, but never did. Joshua is so close. All that really stands in between them now is this Jordan River. Joshua led the people there, to the banks of this mighty river, and they set up camp. That’s right, they lodged there. For three long days, they got to sit there and just stare at this thing that stood between them and their Promised Land. They had plenty of time to anticipate what happened. Plan their own strategies in their heads. Picture it. Plan it. Fear it.

Did you know that Jordan means “to deeply descend”.  And this was all happening during the spring time. Snow was melting off of Mt. Horeb and flowing into this usually tame river. So, here they are looking into this ferocious river, now fifty times wider than it usually is, and they are supposed to go across?!

How are we going to do this?

Why now?

Can’t we wait ‘til this thing has calmed down?

What are we, camping here for the scenery?

Friend, do you ever feel like I do sometimes, that God waits for the rivers I face to be at their deepest, and most ferocious too, before He leads me there!

So, they got the chance to hear those rushing waters all day, and all night. There was no surprise here, friend. They saw their opponent clearly, for a long time. Three days they had to wait and wonder how their deliverance would come.

So, which do you prefer? You want to walk up to the water, turn your head to see an enemy and be delivered before supper time? Or are you Ok with camping out near your troubles? Having time to watch and wait. Plenty of time to build up faith or build up fear. What do ya think, friend?

Seems like a no brainer, doesn’t it?

The problem is that you and I don’t ever always get to pick which type of problem we will face. We aren’t in control of what type of shoreline we will come up to or how much time we will have to stare that thing down?

As some of you may know, I had the blessing of an opportunity to go to the Mayo clinic about a month ago. Actually, exactly a month ago, today. Ryan and I left our babies and traveled further away than we’d ever been from them, for longer than we’d ever been away from them. It was tough, but it was a blessing. But, it all happened so fast! I found out they accepted me as a patient, they called to tell me when my appointments would be, and we were there all within one week! There was no wait time. No real time to worry, get scared, be anxious about what was about to unfold. And also, there wasn’t really that much pain happening. I mean, I hadn’t signed up for a marathon or anything, but I wasn’t leaking spinal fluid either.

Today, that isn’t so much the case. Today, begins week two of leaking spinal fluid and the pain drama that goes with it. I contacted my doctors at Mayo twelve days ago. When I was there before, they had assured me I could come back to be treated there if this happened again. I was a little surprised at how quickly it happened though. I hadn’t been home from our little Minnesota road trip for two weeks before the symptoms began. I’d just barely unpacked the suitcase for goodness sake.

It has been a bit more difficult to arrange all of the tests and procedures that I need this go ‘round. Hence, the waiting. Last time, there was no waiting. This time, I’ve had plenty of days almost thirteen to stare at this river. Last time, I was Moses and his people – pretty quick deliverance. This time, I’m Joshua and his people just staring my opponent down. For longer than I would like to, to be honest.

This time is harder. I, like the Israelites with Joshua, have more pain this time. I’ve been through more “stuff”. I’m more tired. I’m more weary. But, I’m also more faithful. This, as it turns out, is the big difference.

Did you know that the Red Sea parted overnight? All Moses had to do was obey God and stretch out his hand and the Lord drew back those waters all night long? The Israelites with Moses didn’t even have to wait twenty-four hours before they were walking on dry land! They didn’t have to take one step before they saw the water turn into walls.

The next generation needed a bit more faith. They needed a bit more patience. They had time to anticipate and fear. And, another big difference is that they had to take a step into those raging river waters before anything happened. That’s right, there’s no holding up your hand this time. This time, their leaders had to get their feet wet before they could walk on dry land.

Two shorelines. Two times water was parted. But, two very different stories.

Friend, where are you with this?

Has God allowed you to come to yet another shoreline that you may not have wanted to visit? Maybe you were thinking more like a ski trip this time, Lord? But, here you are, once again facing something difficult. Something that seems insurmountable. Scary. Impossible, even?

Then, friend, I encourage you to do what I am trying so desperately to do, and celebrate! That’s right…get out your party shoes and your cute sweater and get ready! Because if God has led you to something that seems downright impossible – then He is allowing you the chance to take Him at His Word.

Luke 1:37 “For nothing is impossible with God.”

The more raging the waters are in front of you, the more opportunity you have to see God do His thing.

Trust me, I know it ain’t easy. Most of us Me, me, me! would prefer to not only pick which shoreline we visit, but how, when, and where we will decide to cross it.

But, I encourage you to be like Joshua. I encourage myself to be like Joshua. Be faithful. Be willing to let God do something BIG. Like the wise Bible teacher Priscilla Shirer says “We pray for God to do miracles, but then we pray to be kept away from situations where a miracle is needed. That ain’t gonna work.”

Friend, we can do this. Actually, I take that back. We can’t. But, God can.

Let Him plan your party. Give up control.

Trust me, whatever He does will be far better than any ol’ thing you could plan anyway.

Come with me. Let’s face twenty-whatever with GOD as our party planner. The party will be great. The ground will be dry. He will be there. And, friend, so will I! You with me?

ThankFULL Once Again

I have had a hard time, lately, friend. I am in pain, again. I am flat on my couch, again. I am wrestling with all of the emotions and frustrations that go along with it, again. So, I made it a point this past week to try and purposely be thankFULL. It took a lot of stinkin’ effort, trust me. But, a blog that I wrote last year helped me. I took some time and revamped it. I hope you enjoy these Truths God gave me last year, because it even helped strengthen me again this year.

Ok, so can we be honest here? Thanksgiving is a time where most of us are “thankful” for turkey and dressing, football, a couple days off from work, and of course, for Black Friday. Am I right, or am I right? Trust me, I wish I were not right.

And hey, those are not bad things to be thankful for in and of themselves. Personally, the whole “Thanksgiving food” issue isn’t a big deal for yours truly because, as my husband some may say, I am a pretty “boring” eater. I prefer to call it “predictable and consistent”, but whatever. In case you haven’t been reading my blog for very long, I will enlighten you. I personally believe there is a special place in heaven for the brilliant person who invented divided paper plates. I am thankful for you and I am sure we will enjoy a nicely divided feast together in heaven!

Personally, I am not one to pile on a little bit o’ everything on my Thanksgiving plate. That, however, is how my dear husbands rolls. I mean it. I can hardly even handle sitting next to him. I love him, so I have to do. But, trust me, friend, it ain’t easy.

Let me preface by saying that my sweet Mom, Step-mom and all of my various family members are all very good cooks. But, can we get real for a minute about this whole deal? Let’s just all admit that Thanksgiving food looks fairly normal when each item is in its respective decorative dishes. But, once piled onto a plate all over each other, it all looks, well, weird. The colors and textures are all so different and yet mixed up and thrown together. Something just isn’t right about that.

And for Ryan, you literally can see no, and I mean NO, little Dixie paisley pattern creeping up from under his food once he has gone through the line. He has a little bit o’ everything on that plate, and yes, it is all touching each other…all of it! (Insert silent shudder from his lovely wife sitting next to him trying to avoid eye contact) He has turkey and gravy, dressing, green bean casserole (which I am proud to say I have now embraced but I honestly wouldn’t touch the stuff for the first 27 years of my life) sweet potatoes, some sort of rice mixture that is too non-descript to identify clearly, but nonetheless, he’s served himself a heap-full. Oh no, we aren’t done. Then, there’s regular mashed potatoes with gravy that yes, has oozed onto everything else Seriously!? I can hardly even type this out to you people and sliced ham and some sort of congealed orange-mold-delight-thing complete with chunks don’t even get me started, and of course to top it all off, he has the cranberries.

I’m sorry y’all…what is that about? I cannot handle the texture of the cranberries. I mean it. Are cranberries a solid or a liquid? Or just give you gas? What are they and why do we have to bust them out each Thanksgiving? Deep breaths. I am quite sure I am forgetting a few things, but honestly it is out of sheer survival that I don’t pay closer attention to his plate.

But, then there is my plate. Insert angelic praise here. It is simple. Understated in its simplicity, really. It has ham, of course, if we have it, which we usually do. I prefer that to turkey, but I do like both. I am happy to be a carnivore. And yes, I am a grown up now so I will eat the green bean casserole. Lastly, I have a very healthy helping or two ok, three of mashed potatoes and we’re out. That’s it. I’m happy and done. Yes, I can still appreciate the pleasant blue paisley print on the Dixie plate. And yes, I can still eat my fill. And yes, I made it through the line in record time. And no, I did not accidentally overlook the cranberries. And no, I am not a communist.

To each their own, friend, to each their own. 🙂

We are thankful for football. Again, not a bad thing. I love watching football. I really do. I know some of my girlfriends think I’m on the “dark side” and that I am not helping the “cause” of us women-folk, but I can’t help it. I love it! And I think Ryan likes that I love it. He’s so lucky.

Black Friday is something my sweet Ryan looks forward to. You see, his birthday is the first of November and so, usually, he gets a little birthday money each year. He looks forward to the ads and seeing if there is “that deal” that he wants at Home Depot that will make him one happy boy. He really is cute about it. I liken it to the grown up version of getting the Toys R Us catalog as a kid and circling the toys you wanted Santa to get you.

Me? I like sleep. I am sure once our kids are older and asking for expensive presents that I really do need the huge discount on in order to be able to afford, I will be up at 4am with the rest of my budget conscious friends. But for now, we can say “Oh look, isn’t this fifteen dollar thing fun that you got for Christmas!” I know…my days are numbered!

But, truly, this year has been a stinkin’ tough one. But, friend, I mean it with all my heart when I say I have seen God’s hand all over it. And as I have been lying around this week (hey, it’s what I do!) I have been thinking A LOT about where God has brought me over this last year. Last year at this time, my world wasn’t a whole lot different than it is right now. I was lying on this very same couch for most of the day, struggling with spinal fluid leak issues, unable to sit upright for long. I was also struggling with God as to why He was allowing this to happen again. Again, again, again.

This year, I am a little bit stronger that I was last year. In more ways than one, I am blessed to say. So, this year I have chosen to be thankFULL. I mean it. I have chosen (and yes, friend, it is a active and daily choice) to thank my great God for a whole lot of different things. And I’m bringing you in on this deal. Welcome, friend.

A few things I am thankFULL for: Blue Bell ice cream, and Moose Tracks ice cream – ok, let’s just say ice cream!, playing babies with my daughter, that my sons will still “cuggle” with me, that I get to be a patient of the best doctors in the world, my uh-mazing new bed, my lovely mini-van “Grace”, that my friends have miraculously stuck by me, Ryan’s amazing school, my parents and all their help, praise and worship music, chick flicks, His calling on my life, my extended family – they rock!, where we live, our amazing church, snarky friends, my fuzzy boots, the Truth of His Word. That last one is huge!

You may be wondering why I am doing this the week after thanksgiving? The tryptophan from the turkey has worn off. The Black Friday sales are over. And, sure enough your alarm clock went off this morning to begin another Monday. I guess, I just wonder, friend, how much time did you really spend being thankFULL? Really? Did you sit down and OUT LOUD thank your God for all He has done for you since last Thanksgiving. No, I’m not talking about the two minute prayer that was said while you were really thinking about cutting in line in front of Aunt Josie because she hogs the sweet potatoes. I mean it. Have you been thankFULL? Have I?

You want to know the great news? God doesn’t care about Pilgrims and Indians. I mean, He does care, but, not any more than He cares about shamrocks or Easter eggs or jingle bells or fireworks. This is all our deal, people. ThankFULLness is year round. Yes, this time of year is special because we are supposed to stop and think. We are supposed to stop and thank. But, if you didn’t, it’s all good. Do it today. And the next day. And the day after that. Make it a habit.

Take note of a few Truths with me…

Colossians 3:15 says “let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”

Please note that it doesn’t say… “since as member of one body you were called to peace. And somewhere in the last couple weeks of November, be thankful” See? It just says, BE THANKFUL! Are you? Am I? Let peace rule. Let it reign. And be thankFULL.

1 Thess. 5:18 says “give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

When you have been as served, loved on, prayed for, encouraged, and humbled as much as I have over these last few years, you cannot help but want to thank people. I am sure I’ve gotten a little annoying about it. Shocker. But, I have had a few people say, “Seriously, stop thanking me!” Nope. Not going to happen! But, really, friend – how cool would it be if God felt that way? What if we thanked Him that much? Now, to be clear, I am positive, that for all He has done for us, there is no way we could thank Him enough, but oh, to have a heart to try!

Now, about this verse, I have heard people notice that it says to give thanks in all circumstances and not for all circumstances. I gotta be honest, this was comforting to me. Life is tough. Really bad stuff happens. Painful stuff. Unfair stuff. Heart-wrenching stuff. Stuff that I should NOT have to thank God for. And honestly, this “reasoning” I heard sort of gave me an “out” about it. I can be thankful in this trial, but I don’t have to be thankful for it. Whew. That is, until my super cool pastor’s sermon reminded me of a verse that I had chosen to forget.

Ephesians 5:20 “sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Ah, man. That one does say to give thanks FOR everything. And it says to do it always. Darnit.

Friend, I am in NO way wanting to diminish any sort of pain you have had in your life. I cannot begin to imagine the pain and grief some of you have been through. Honestly, my heart breaks just imagining it and I have a very active imagination. But, at least for me, I have had to come to terms with my heart issues over this last year. No, I shouldn’t “have to” go through what I’m going through. No one should. But, I am. And I shouldn’t “have to” thank God for it. But, I want to. So I am going to try to. I figure that by doing this, I can only grow closer to Him. And then I can only be more like Him. Truly, it can’t hurt, right?

These last few years have been tough. I have had many heart-breaking moments that I do not ever want to re-live and that I wouldn’t wish on my very worst enemy. But God, right here and right now, I am typing and saying this to you OUT LOUD…I THANK YOU FOR EVERY ONE OF THEM!! Because I know you love me, and I know you are always good. I know you wouldn’t allow one single thing to come to my life that didn’t need to come to bring YOU more honor and glory. I know you are with me. I know you always will be.

Friend, if you can’t think of one blasted thing to thank Him for right now, I get that too. I have been there. I have sat at my very own pity party – party of one! I’ve sunk lower than low in my very own pit of despair as I sloshed around in my “woe-is-me” thoughts all the live long day. Trust me. Been there, done that…got multiple ugly, faded T-shirts to prove it. So, because I’ve been there like, a few days ago, I would like to offer this last bit of Truth for us to dwell on and repeat until we can be reminded of all that we do have to be thankFULL for…

Hebrews 12:28 says “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe”

His kingdom cannot be shaken. Wahooo! That is great news! If you are a Christian then you at least have that! Even if you feel like you have nothing else right now, you do have that!

And for the rest of you – it is not too late. Stop and be thankFULL. For something. For someone. Write a note. Send a text. Join our This One Thing Project! Do something. Just be thankFULL. It is not too late. I know that Thanksgiving was four days ago – but, who cares? I am aware that the Thanksgiving food may gone, but the thankFULLness should not be.

By the way – most of the food should be gone by now, friend. If you haven’t thrown it out, I’ll give you another day or so, tops. Especially the cranberries. Just let it go. For goodness sake, man – Let. It. Go. 🙂

Deja Vu, All Over Again

Do you ever have those moments?

Maybe you enter a restaurant in “the old neighborhood” and all of a sudden, in a flash – the smells, the sounds, the scenery — you are transported. Years are erased and you’re a high school kid again coming in to celebrate the big win at the football game. You blink, shake your head, look down at your children “Whose kids are these?”  and realize you aren’t a high school stud anymore. It’s just déjà vu, all over again.

Or maybe you’re reading a book. This one clearly isn’t about me. You read the scene that the author eloquently crafted and instantly, you are taken there. The city you visited on your honeymoon. They describe it so vividly, you don’t even have to close your eyes. You. Are. There. And you’re young, and skinny and naïve. The world is fresh. You are fresher. The joy. The newness. The ignorant ,blissful love. Perfection. You blink, shake your head, look down at your wrinkled skin and realize you aren’t the spring chicken you were. Iit’s just déjà vu, all over again.

Déjà vu is a friend to some. An enemy to others.

Jacob and Rachel knew all about this feeling.

Not my Jacob, but the one in the Bible, and his wife. Or, should I say one of his wives. Jacob’s déjà vu world kept spinning ‘round and ‘round like a first century merry-go-round. Except there was nothing fun about this go ‘round. You see, friend, Jacob was in love with Rachel. She was “lovely in form and beautiful” (Gen. 29:17) which is Bible-speak for the fact that Rachel was a hottie. She was probably like a friend of mine who has three boys (including a set of twins!) yet her body, skin, hair – all of it – looks like she is twenty-nothin’ and works out at a gym five hours daily. I swear if I didn’t love her, I’d have to hate her. 🙂 That was Rachel.

But, then there was Leah, her big sister. The Bible says, and I quote “Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful.”

Gee, thanks. Clearly a man wrote this!

Poor Leah. Now, I don’t know if she just had light-colored eyes, delicate eyes, or if she was legally blind like some people and had to wear ugliness on her face starting in the fourth grade clearly I’m not bitter. Either way, this wasn’t a desirable trait. And to pour salt in the wound, her little sister was runway material. Fabulous.

Throughout Genesis 29-30, the story of these sisters unfolds. And, friend, it rivals any season of Days of Our Lives. Jacob wants to marry Rachel so the poor guy commits to slave labor for seven years. I would like to stop and give thanks for the fact that my poor Ryan didn’t have to work that hard to get me – trust me, I’d still be single. 🙂 Genesis 29:20 says “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.”

I mean, seriously. Insert gagging sound. That is love, people.

So, here is Jacob, in love and willing to “earn” his bride. He did the work. He fulfilled his commitment. And what is his prize? He has a “few too many” at his wedding reception and when we wakes up the next morning to begin his new life with his beautiful bride, who does he find in the bed with him but ol’ weak eyes.

“What the frankincense is going on here!?!”

He did not pick that daughter. He wanted the one with the lovely form. Where’d she go? Well, it turns out his good ol’ father-in-law played a little game of one, two, switch-a-roo and sent his older daughter to the honeymoon night. He wanted to get rid of both daughters at once. Sneaky Laban tried to make up for it with a new deal. “Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.” (Gen. 29:27)

Seven more years of work!?

Ok, honestly, how lovely could her form be? Fourteen years of work to marry this girl.

That’s right, friend. Déjà vu, all over again.

Fast forward a while and Jacob has two wives, two maidservants don’t get me started and a partridge in a pear tree. And just like any newlywed couple, people immediately start asking, “Soooo, when are you going to have kids?”

Leah jumped on it. I can’t blame the girl. After all…

“Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.” (Gen. 29:30)

Wonderful. My husband didn’t even want me. Didn’t offer to work for me at all, but worked fourteen years for my gorgeous little sister.

Um, Hello, insecurity.

“When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.” (Gen. 29:31)

During this time, barrenness was on the same playing field as leprosy. For a woman to be barren meant, to many, that she was cursed. Something must be wrong with her. She was sinful. She was unworthy. She was broken. (Can I please take a minute to tell anyone reading who has been unable to have children that this is not how God works today. Seek Him and Him alone. Trust Him.)

So, here is Rachel, aka ‘Ms. Israel 1700 B.C.’ with all her beauty, but no babies.

Meanwhile, her big sister, Leah, has a baby boy.

Then, another one.

Then, another one.

Then, another one.

“When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” (Gen. 30:1)

Talk about Déjà vu, all over again. (and again, and again, and again!)

(For the record, it is taking everything in me not to keep going and going with this story of Leah, Rachel, Jacob, the maidservants and the many children with their heavy-meaning names that get born into this household. But, that is for a whole ‘notha post.)

So here I am, thousands of years later. I’m married to the right guy, with three precious children. Yet, I, like Rachel am having déjà vu all over again, again, again, again.

That’s right, friend. I am officially announcing that I am leaking spinal fluid again.

Anybody else tired of this merry-go-round? Give a sista an “Amen!” please! 🙂

I have had a few days to admit it, deny it, accept it, deny it again, whine and fuss about it, and now announce it to you lovely people. God has put up with a lot from me my entire life this weekend.

“Nooooo!!! I just got my cleaning schedule all printed out and ready to go! You know how much I have a heart for my job as a homemaker. I am trying to be disciplined here, Lord! You’ve seen my toilets – you know I need this!”

“I just went to Mayo, like three stinkin’ weeks ago, Lord. I know my geography is bad, but I’m thinking yours is pretty good. That ain’t close. Remember, I left my babies. I had faith. I took your acorn to the head and praised you for it…is that not enough!?”

“Lord, I cannot look my babies in the face for the sixth time in their sweet, short lives and say ‘Mama’s going to have to be lying down all the time again because of her bad owie.’ I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.”

“Lord, please…not during the holidays. Not again. I cannot lie around and listen to people complaining about all the errands they have to run, the meals they have to prepare, and parties they have to attend. I can’t sit upright for twenty minutes, Lord. Don’t they get how blessed they are!?!”

Sorry.

Just keepin’ it real here, friend.

Boy, am I thankful for His forgiveness and grace!

I am also beyond thankful that His Word is “living and active” (Heb. 4:12) and can cut through my emotions. It can separate ‘feelings’ from facts. Even now, I went to look up the verse about God’s compassions being new every morning. I went to my favorite online Bible resource and typed in the key words. But, what I found was not just the verse I wanted, but also the verses God wanted me to read all around it. I will put in italics the actual verse I was looking for and I will let you read over the verses on either side of it. Please enjoy.

“So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD. I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. (Lam. 3:18-26)

Wow.

He might as well have started that verse with Dear, Caroline.

Friend, I don’t even know who wrote these verses. But, like them, I don’t just remember my affliction, I well remember it. I don’t know what the word gall even means, but I’m thinkin’ it ain’t good. It doesn’t matter. This was for me. And, perhaps, it is for you as well. As darn near unbearable hard as it seems for me to have to, once again, sit and wait quietly that’s borderline hilarious for the salvation of the Lord…sit I will.

Ok, correction — lie down, I will. 🙂

For those of you who need to know facts and details – yes, we are headed back up to the Mayo clinic. When? Not sure. Soon and very soon. I know that much.

As of now, I am scheduled to be there December 6^th. But, if you would like to pray along with my selfish prayers then let’s ask God to move my appointment up a week so I can be back in time to see my babies perform on stage at church and attend our women’s Christmas dinner.

Trival? Maybe.

But, as a Mom who has missed out on quite a bit these last few years, I’d really love to be there. But, friend, let me be clear –

I

Am

Waiting

On

The

Lord.

I am lying on my couch. I am staring at my popcorn ceilings. I am developing another funky, flat spot in my cute hair cut. I am wearing pajamas all day. I am doing my leg exercises to keep the blood flowing. I am hogging all of DVR memory for movies for Mama instead of Dora and Power Rangers. I am waiting.

But, my friend…I am also writing to you. I am singing my praise and worship in an awkwardly loud voice. I am seeking Him. I am trusting Him. I am believing the Truth of His promises. I am waiting.

Déjà vu, all over again.

Please rock out with me now, friend. These lyrics are perfect.

Ok, one more time. Once again, sigh…perfect.

This One Thing

Do you have something, one thing, you are really good at?

I have a friend who is an amazing homemaker. She knows each of her kid’s favorite snacks and prepares to have them ready. And although those same three kiddos are now grown and out of her house, she hasn’t stopped being their amazing Mom. When one comes into town, she prepares her home for welcoming. She has snacks ready for her son and his spouse. The pantry is full and her heart is fuller. Whether it is Easter time or her favorite, fall; her home reflects it perfectly. Not prestigiously. Not pretentiously. Perfectly. She has her favorite homemade drawings from when her kids were growing up displayed. The picture frames around her house are filled with her most precious memories of that same season in years gone by. The smells of the scented candles and the evening’s supper fill her home with love. You may think it’s not that important. That is, until you step into her house during the month of November. Then, you get it. And simply experiencing it,  you want to run home and replicate the scene in your own home, somehow. She does homemaking well.

I have a cousin who is an artist. Even when we were growing up, she was always a bit eccentric, outside of the box, but in the coolest way possible. She inadvertently started trends with clothing, language, and style. She wasn’t necessarily trying to, she was just being herself, and others followed. I think she was an artist long before she ever picked up a brush. But, then, she did pick up a brush. Then, clay. Then, shrinkable plastic. She is flat out amazing. Her work is flat out amazing. And deep. I am not sure that I can relate to all of her artwork. I am fairly certain I don’t “get” all of it. But, I will tell you this; she is an artist in the truest sense of the word.  She has spent over a decade in professional schooling mastering her art. She has traveled to places in the world I have never been, and may never go, to further craft her art. She has taught at multiple universities to share her love for art and to open other’s minds to their own art. She does art well.

When thinking about myself, I am a bit stumped. I heard one of my parents describe me once saying “she wasn’t necessarily the best at any one thing, she was just always pretty good at everything.” I don’t type that to sound prideful. I share it with you only to make my point. I guess I haven’t ever been quite sure at what my “one thing” is. I was in the honor’s choir back in the day. But, I didn’t make it ‘til my junior year and even then, they wisely never handed me a microphone for a solo. I was always in honors classes, but was totally lazy never the honor role type of student.  I mean, I’m pretty smart, but I didn’t earn any scholarships or invent anything, ever. Sports were a pretty big deal for a good portion of my life. I lettered varsity in three sports in high school. Almost played one of those sports on a full scholarship in college, but tore the ligaments in my ankle instead. I would like to think that wasn’t my “one thing” since I haven’t done it competitively in over a decade. Hmmm…I am good with people. I love to talk. I think I make most people feel comfortable in social situations. Yes, this is something I am pretty good at. But, could talking really be my one thing? And yes, I obviously enjoy writing. But, to me, my writing is simply me talking with a keyboard instead of my voice box. I am capable at being good at it, yet haven’t ever picked up a book explaining how to become great at. In fact, reading a book like that sounds about as much fun as cleaning my toilets. Which, by the way, is absolutely not my one thing. But, that may just be laziness rearing its ugly, yet all too familiar head again.

The apostle Paul left no room for discussion about this issue. In his letter to the church at Philipi, he made it pretty clear.

“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it (the “it” is mentioned in verse 10, “to know Christ, the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings”). But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

It is clear. The only “one thing” that matters is the call of God. Everything else isn’t worth it.

Last spring, I was inspired by a TV show called “Secret Millionaire”. Have you seen it? The entire premise of the show is that millionaires disguise themselves as “normal” people doing a documentary on volunteering. They are dropped off in a very poor area and are sent out to find people who are living their lives, truly trying to help others. Some people are trying to keep kids of the streets, or pregnant mothers from having abortions, or simply feeding and loving those many people out there who have no place to call home. The secret millionaire spends a week living with these people, getting to know them and then at the culmination of the show, reveals themselves to be a millionaire and then proceeds to write checks more than my husband makes in a year to donate to these very worthy causes. The show is really amazing. It is about people truly getting out there and actually helping other people.

I am ashamed that one of my first thoughts when I saw this show was, “Well, sure, if I had millions of dollars, I would love to be able to do that for people.” Then, about a milli-second later, God reminded me of Mark 12:41-44. “Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything–all she had to live on.”

Ouch.

That was the sound of love God’s loving 2×4 to my head.

This really got me thinking. I mean, like, I actually lost sleep over it. One question kept running around in my mind…

“What am I actually doing for other people?”

I mean, yes, I am obeying God’s call on my life to be a wife and mother. Yes, we sacrifice a lot so that these children are raised by their mother. And yes, I feel very strongly about this role in my home. But, what about outside of my home? Ok, I donate quite a bit of clothing and toys to the Christian Community Storehouse in our area…but let’s be honest, isn’t that just stuff I don’t want anyway? Yes, we give money to my best friend who is a missionary in Mexico…but have I ever gone there to serve in her ministry? No.

So…really, what am I doing for other people?

This train of thought and weighty burden led me to celebrate my birthday a little differently last year. And the simple act of blessing others made it singlehandedly one of the best days of my life. And it wasn’t about me at all. Why couldn’t I do that more than just my birthday? What’s stopping me?

Two things.

It turns out that a couple more spinal fluid leaks stopped me physically. But, then I got the heart of the matter and realized it was pride. I can’t actually go do the thing myself, so I won’t share my heart about it to anyone so that they can go do it either. Man, I’m a big ol’ fool sometimes.

The second thing that I was so hung up on was all about what to name this thing? God kept running the number ONE around in my head over and over. I knew He was clearly telling me that I could give ONE percent of my income, ONE time a month, and for ONE hour go out and spread the love of the only ONE who can truly love these lost people around us. But, Bono had already stolen the whole “ONE” idea and I am assuming He doesn’t want to jump on board with my idea to share Jesus.

So, here we are months after God clearly laid this on my heart and, once again, I received another Holy Spirit nudge to get the word out. I knew God wanted me to do this, but I’ve been focusing so much on my medical drama and my writing that this ONE thing, took a back burner. Then two more things happened…a friend sent me an amazing idea for celebrating Advent. Instead of only opening the little wooden boxes on my advent calendar and reading something about Jesus – get out there and RAK someone. Each day of advent, go out and commit a Random Act of Kindness (RAK) and let people know that Jesus is the Reason for this season. I loved it! But, I loved it for the whole year round. And then, in true God fashion, He arranged for our church to have a guest speaker this weekend. This was the SAME pastor that had preached last year about “this one thing I do”. Hearing His voice immediately reminded me of the last sermon he gave about doing our “one thing” for Jesus.

So, aside from God actually yelling “DO IT NOW!”, He has confirmed that this is the time. And friend, I will obey this time.

One commentary (by David Guzik) put it this way – “Paul told us in the verses above that we just have to commit to God’s will – not our own.  Paul was focused on one thing, and would not let those things which are behind distract him from it. The one thing was the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. What is the prize Paul speaks of? The prize is the upward call of God. The prize is the call itself, not the benefits that come from the call or any other thing. The prize is being able to run the race at all, working with God as a partner to do the work of His kingdom. As everything else, this upward call of God is only in Christ Jesus. The legalists might say they followed the upward call of God, but they certainly didn’t do it in Christ Jesus, they did it in the efforts of their own flesh.”

There are plenty of people out there doing “good”. I am happy about that. But, I want there to be plenty more people doing good in the name of Jesus.

Guzik also noted the fact that “When Spain led the world (in the 15th century), their coins reflected their national arrogance and were inscribed Ne Plus Ultra which meant “Nothing Further” – meaning that Spain was the ultimate in all the world. After the discovery of the New World, they realized that they were not the “end of the world” – they changed the inscription on their coinage to Plus Ultra – meaning “More Beyond.” Which motto better expresses your Christian life – “Nothing Further” or “More Beyond”?”

So, friend, I guess my question for you is…are you in?

Do you have a heart to truly get out there and physically share Jesus’ love with others. No agenda. No political debates. No writing it off your tax return. Just loving on God’s people – outside of your church walls.

Let’s run this race together. But, let’s not just run, let’s finish well. Let’s win this thing for Jesus’ Name. Another commentary by Chuck Smith noted that when thinking of a race, there is none greater that the Boston Marathon. As far as the people who compete in the race, like a church, there are many different kinds. “Many have no intention of winning the race. Many have no intention of even finishing the race. Some only plan to run a few miles then drop out and put on the shirt that says, “I ran in the Boston Marathon.” Some have as their goal just to finish the race, if they are an hour behind the winner, they don’t mind, they only want to say that they finished the race. There are others who are determined to win the race.”

Smith says, “We have to do just like Paul says and forget what is behind. All our earthly accomplishments. All of our personal goals as are trash, there is nothing of real value can come to us by accomplishing them. The emptiest moment in a person’s life comes the moment after he has accomplished the goals that he had set that he thought would bring him great satisfaction. We have only one life, it will soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.”

Now, friend, I am not suggesting that we all sell our homes and quit our jobs. I believe God wants us to be wise with the resources He has given us. But, we have to start somewhere. We live in the most blessed nation in the world. It is time that we start making sure each of God’s children here see His blessings.

So, what now?

Well, now we plan. We start with making a commitment to give ONE percent of our income, ONE time a month, and give ONE hour to God by sharing the love of the ONE who saved us.

I can’t figure it all out for you, but I can help you get started. For instance, some of my best girlfriends and I are planning a day of spreading Jesus’ love. Instead of doing the traditional “cookie exchange” this year and having a brunch together, we have arranged to all contribute some cash and spend the morning driving around the poorer parts of our area, and instead of thinking of it as random acts of kindness, we will think of it is random acts of Jesus! We will be handing out a piece of paper to everyone that makes it clear we are not just “nice people” but we are followers of Jesus. We love them and so does He!

You can start now, too! Change your perspective about what this holiday season means to you.
Ornament exchanges are fun. Work Christmas parties are sort of fun. Ugly sweater parties are even more fun. 🙂 But, instead, let’s be the hands and feet of Jesus this holiday season.

And don’t stop there! Make this commitment with us.

“This one thing” can happen every month of every year – if you will make it happen.

I want to begin a community of believers that are being purposeful about getting out there and sharing His love. So…join this facebook group and spread the word. That is the beauty of this idea – it can be as big as YOU want it to be. We don’t have to do it all together, but we can all support each other while we are doing it.  If you want some ideas, read my birthday blog and see all the things I did that day. Be creative. Share your great ideas! But, most of all – just get out there and do “this one thing”.

And all God’s children said…

AMEN!