caroline holzberger

Keepin' it real about motherhood, Jesus, life, and everything in between.

One or two? Two or one?

If you are one of those people who have great vision I’m jealous of you then you may not know what the title of this post is all about. You may think it could be a lesson about Math. Or perhaps some sort of riddle?

No, cool kid, this is reality to the rest of us who grew up with consistent eye exams. My dear, sweet husband, just now, at age thirty-cspmish may need glasses for driving at night or reading in low light. Gosh, I don’t at all feel bad for him!

For the rest of us, we know all too well about this process. The sweet little eye-assistant-person sits you down in a dark room, removes the only ocular device that helped you safely get in there, and then, Whammo! You have some choices to make.

Yes, I skipped the “little puff of air” trauma for fear of scaring some of you off who are scheduled to see the eye doctor soon. See? I love Jesus. Little puff of air my foot! That is about the same as a nurse telling you that you aren’t getting a shot, just a “little finger prick”. OUCH! Now, I can’t use that finger for two days straight, woman!

So, you sit there, with the little eye-glasses-machine-thingy in front of your face and she keeps giving you options.

Which is better?

One or two? Two or one?

Uhhhh, two. No, one. Oh shoot, I think two is better!

Ok, Two or three? Three or two?

Um, maybe two? Or three? Wait, no, it’s two, no, no, definitely three!

Ok, three or one? One or three?

No way! You are bringing number one back? Didn’t I already cast that aside? Now I’m just confused!?!

That continues on for an eternity about another twenty minutes, which is equivalent to fifty different options, given with twelve combinations, each in a different order. Sigh.

At this point, your head hurts, your eyes are dry from trying not to blink while she switches it from one to two, back to three and then one again. You know how clearly you see every single day from this day forth and the amount of headaches you get from squinting, all are riding on this choice.

Gee, no pressure.

I sort of felt that way last week, with my Mayo trip #2.

A mere thirty days after driving to Mayo for the first time, and experiencing all God had for me there, we were loading up to do it again. Only, this time, I was leaking spinal fluid. Rock on. So, I had a choice to make; was I going to trust once again in God’s faithfulness or was I going to focus on the really stinkin’ big needle that waited for me there?

Would I choose to focus on the fruit or the foe?


I can’t help but think of Joshua and Caleb.

These two men were leaders among the Israelite people. Now, mind you, these Israelites have been traveling in the dessert for years and years now. You would think they’d be all about getting to this Promised Land flowing with milk and honey that they’ve been hearing so much about all these years. So, here they are, Joshua and Caleb, along with ten other leaders, who were sent by Moses to go over into the Promised Land and take stock of it. They were to check it out and bring a report back of what they saw. So, off they went. And, back they came.

Twelve men went together, but twelve men did not come back together with the same outlook.

The other ten guys gave their report; “We went in to the land where you sent us; and it certainly does flow with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. Nevertheless, the people who live in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large; and moreover, we saw the descendants of Anak there.” Numbers 13:27-28

They should have just stopped at verse 27. They should have said “Look at this, everyone!! We brought back this fruit as proof of what this land is like and we saw the milk and honey flowing with our own eyes! It was unbelievable! We are finally here; let’s do this thing!”

Nope. They carried onto to verse 28. They had a ‘nevertheless’ type of faith. They had to mention the big ol’ guys, in the big ol’ cities with their big ol’ walls. It was too scary. They were too afraid.

They had a choice. One or two? Two or one?

Were they going to focus on the fruit God gave them; the proof of His faithfulness. Were they going to celebrate the fact that this land did indeed flow with milk and honey? Were they going to rejoice at finally being at their Promised Land?

Or were they going to focus on the bad guys, the big walls, and the danger of it all.

Unfortunately, ten of these guys went with choice number two. It was only Joshua and Caleb who focused on choice number one.

Joshua tried to tell them, “The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the LORD. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them.” Numbers 14:7-9

Do you see the confidence Joshua had in God? The assurance of His faithfulness?

And this is all despite the reality before them. Because I want to be clear, friend, the danger they faced was real! They didn’t make this stuff up; there really were bad guys with big weapons protecting these giant cities. The danger was real. But so was the God they followed there. They chose to focus more on the problem they faced, than on the problem-solver they served.

What about you? What about me?

Do you tend to look at things so practically and rationally; analyzing everything down until you’ve squeezed out any room for faith?

Do you plan and organize your schedule so tightly that there is simply no room for God to fit in a miracle?

Life is tough. Trust me, I get it. We face our own dangerous realities all the time. But, each and every time, we have a choice. Are we going to listen to the others around us saying it is too dangerous, unlikely, or impractical?

Are we going to go with choice one or two? Two or one?

I am home from Mayo trip #2 now, yet I am not making choices. I have to wake up every single day and decide if I will choose faith or fear. I am still in quite a bit of pain. I still can’t walk around more than the occasional trip to the little girl’s room. It always takes a week or two for me to be able to fully determine whether a patch has sealed the leak. So, looming overhead is the all-too-familiar fear cloud.

“Has this worked?”

“Am I actually going to start getting better now?”

“These doctors are the best of the best; if they can’t help me, who can?”

“I can’t lie flat on the couch and miss my third holiday season in a row!”

Fruit or foe? One or two? Two or one?

Yesterday, I am disappointed to admit, I completely blew it chose number two. I let my resolve waiver and I got too caught up in my emotions. I chose fear over faith.

I hate it when I do that.

I feel I’ve wasted a whole day walking around, ok, lying around, blindly. Then, I remember that I won’t see any of this clearly until I am with Jesus.

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

I often have no clue what God is up to. I know I cannot see most of what He is doing through this whole ordeal. I know very little of what He is working out in and through me, during this. I just have to trust. I have to wake up and choose number one.

Friend, so do you.

It is not just a daily thing. It is almost a minute-ly thing. Yes, I just made up that word. You can start off your day great, having a heavenly vision for your day. But, it takes no time at all for the enemy and the sin of this world to be splattered in your face clouding your vision completely!

And, just like my eye exam flashback, friend, the choice to follow God or not will absolutely determine how clearly you see from here on out!

I encourage you (and me!) to celebrate the fruit He has shown you. Believe that the milk and honey are really there ahead of you. Trust that God can handle the bad guys, the big walls, and the giant cities. He really does have this covered.

Faith in Him and Him alone, really is the only clear choice.

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2 thoughts on “One or two? Two or one?

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Girl, you just keep hitting the ball ‘out of the park’. how do you do it? I know it has something to do with faith, pain, love, etc. Thank you, I think we each need to think hard on this one!!

    love ya,
    ap & ul

  2. Love this analogy – especially since we are An Eyeball Family. You WILL get through this, and your story will be rich and fruitful. Continuing to pray for your complete healing, physical and otherwise. 🙂 Love you!

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