caroline holzberger

Sheep, Not Ducks

Six months. Two weeks. Two days.

That is how long it’s been, dear friend (if you are still out there??) since I have written a.darn.thing.

Well, technically I have written plenty of stuff in my head. Scary place, my head. Danger, Danger Will Robinson. I simply haven’t written on my computer. I have talked to you, cried with you, confessed to you, and terribly, terribly missed you.

I am back.

I had a bit of a Sovereign Pause on my life the last year. I got a job. Oh sweet baby Jesus. And I kept going. And going. Have you ever heard me say ‘shoveling snow in a blizzard’? Have you ever lived that out? Then you get it. Solidarity, sistas.

But, I feel a peace over my life now. A vivid covering of His Presence. It’s amazing how much closer you feel to Jesus when you actually freaking spend time with Him. Rocket science, it is not. Our relationship was much more superficial this last year. Clearly, my doing. I didn’t make time for it. I chose to be so busy with the job, and the kids, and all of the practices, and the homework, and the reading logs, and the carpool, and the meals I just fed you people yesterday, dangit and the parenting, and the time outs, and the sassy spray, and the sports, and the just doing all of the life. I need a nap just remembering it. But, first I need to return the phone call from The University of Complacency – they have asked me to be their poster child for 2013-2014. Crap.

But, that season of my life is over. Oh how I give Him thanks for it. I give Him thanks for giving me a wonderful job with wonderful people. I miss them already. I had forgotten what it felt like to be a part of a work family. I thank Him for the financial blessing it was. For the time of humility and conviction it was. But, I also now give Him thanks for ending it. I even more so give Him thanks for the door He swung open for a job this year. Oh the blessings!! (details later) And, now, I truly feel that He has pressed Play again on my writing. I know He has made me to do this. I feel blessed by it. Humbled by it. Scared of it. But, mostly just honored that He would ever let me say anything about Him that is of worth to others. How cool is that, friend? That we are His ambassadors? What. An. Honor.

So, welcome back. Thank you SO much for being here. I love you.

And, today, I want to leave you with a picture. You know I am so very visual. And He hit me yesterday, His loving, all to familar, Sovereign 2×4 to my head.

We sort of live in the cit-ountry. Part city. Part country. We are fifteen minutes from any and every and I do mean e.v.e.r.y. shopping luxury you could want. Traffic. Highways. People everywhere. City. But, then again, we live in a quiet part of town. Where you can see the stars more clearly at night and hear the symphony of cicadas lull you to sleep. We are surrounded by trees – thousands of them. Our neighbors are far enough away to feel like country. A place where something like this is normal —

We had visitors yesterday. In our backyard. Poor little babies. We tried to herd them into our front yard so they would not be trapped by our fence. That was funny to watch. But, watching my children try to be nice, while still being crazy kiddos, that Mama duck was faithfully leading her babies. She wandered all over our yard trying to find solace. And those seven little ducklings followed faithfully. Lined up. In their place. Following their trusted leader.

God told me that’s His plan for me. He said it in my heart of hearts while I watched my babies frantically zip in every stinking direction – quite the opposite of those little ducklings who stayed true to their ‘all in a row’ reputation. I mean, it’s even a saying, people. Do you have all your ducks in a row? Big fat heck to the NO, is the answer by the way.

God doesn’t call us His ducklings in His Word, does He? Nope.

I wonder why?

Gee, give me a nanosecond to think that one over.

Hmm, I wonder if it’s because we do what ducklings do, except for the exact opposite.

We do not follow Him right in a row like we should, do we?

Am I alone here? I sure hope not. We venture off on our own. We trust in our plans. We fill our days. We look up, all of a sudden, and can’t see Him anywhere in sight? Where is that devotional book I have, anyway? Ugh.

He does, however call us His sheep quite often.

Like here. And here. Oh ya, AND HERE!

I would love to remind you why He calls us that. I wrote a whole blog about it. It’s an old one. Very informal, just sort of the overflowings of my crappy convicted heart. But, I know I needed the reminder.

Boy have I been sheep-ing it up all year. So, I guess I just wanted you to know –

It’s duckling time now.

You with me??