caroline holzberger

Keepin' it real about motherhood, Jesus, life, and everything in between.

Precious Sarah

Once again, I’m hooking up with fellow writers for our Five Minute Friday time of writing. This week’s prompt –
Five Minute Friday – Lonely


She sits at a table meant for two…yet holding only her.
Only her.
It seems its been that way for such a long time now. Her precious Harold, she loved for three quarters of her life, has been gone for almost three years now. Three long years. But her eyes well up with tears as she remembers the seven years before that when her true Harold left. His mind gone long before his body. But at least then she could still hold his hand. She could still hear his voice, even if the stories he tried desperately to remember we’re never true at all.
Gone forever, just two days after they celebrated 43 years together. How selfish for her to want him to live that way longer. How selfish for her to want to keep him from the presence of Jesus. But she wanted him in her presence now. At this table meant for two. He would order himself a sandwich but eat some of hers anyway.
But not today.
She was alone now.
Alone and lonely.
She looks at the tables surrounding her. The room filled with chatter of her fellow along-in-years ‘neighbors’. Not the neighbors she’d raised her kids with. Gone to ballgames with. Sat at church with. Not the neighbors in the small town she knew every corner of, every member of. These neighbors seem fine in this place. Living in this sort of place was never in her plan. A two bedroom apartment in an active adult living facility – whatever that may mean. She missed her house. She missed her things. She missed his things. The home where sometimes, even still, she would catch a whif of his cologne as she sat in his favorite recliner chair.
Lost in her thoughts, she twirled her wedding band around her finger. The same one he’d given her so many, many years ago. They were so young then. Their whole lives ahead of them. Where had all those years gone? Had she wished them away without truly enjoying them? Anxious for the next phase of life to bring new challenges, new joys, new surprises.
Jolted back to reality by the sound of laughter. Seated around her now were the children and grandchildren of some of these new ‘neighbors’. They would come visit for a little while, but only when they could spare the time.
Oh how she ached to grab them by the hands. To shake them if she needed to…and plead with them –
Enjoy it.
Soak it up! Every last moment.
I don’t know how I got here so quickly.
So quickly to being alone.
But you will be here to.
Before u know it. Trust me.
We are all only a few short decades from being here.
And lonely

Instead she clung to his wedding band she wore on a simple gold chain around her neck. Closing her eyes and taking another sip of her herbal tea – the tea that new young doctor of hers said would be good for her heart.
My heart.
My heart doesn’t need tea. It needs Harold.
My heart needs not to be alone.
And lonely.

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8 thoughts on “Precious Sarah

  1. allmediane on said:

    So sad, but very beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Patty Mejia Burke on said:

    So beautiful. Makes me think of my mom, who has been without my dad since 1991.

    • I know – it’s so tough! This was inspired by a friend’s Mom who I got to spend time with while they were on vacation. So interesting and touching seeing life through someone else’s eyes. Thanks for stopping by…God bless.

  3. Barbie on said:

    Oh this is beautiful!

  4. Just beautiful….what a reminder to soak up the now, for it is truly a gift. Love this post…thank you. 🙂

    • Thank you sweet barefooted friend. May God bring you moments of remembering this gift He’s given us. Love, love. Oh! I keep forgetting to ask you why you call yourself barefoot Mel? Also…have you ever read The Barefoot Church by Brandon Hatmaker?

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