caroline holzberger

Keepin' it real about motherhood, Jesus, life, and everything in between.

Five Minute Fridays – “In Between”

(Disclaimer to my readers – This is a challenge. A group to join. A prompting by another woman I like to just.sit.down. every Friday and write for only five minutes. That’s it. Which is roughly how long it takes for me to write my normal first sentence. Ahem. So, lest some of you start dancing joyfully with glee that my post is shorter – it is advised that thy shouldn’t get thyself used to it. In Jesus’ Name.) READ MORE HERE.

Here we go…

So, for the better part of 2007-2012 I was flat on my back. Like, all.the.time.

Spinal fluid leaks are the real deal. And, they aren’t a heckofalotta fun.

My life felt as if it was put on Pause. Then Play. Then Pause. Then Stop. The, Stop again. Then Play again. (Read more here.) It was a wild ride, a time to grow in Jesus and something I would never trade for all the money in the world. For, from this divine roller coaster I gained the best gift of a person could ask for — perspective.

Before this time, I was a teacher, then stay at home Mom, then worked part time at our church. I had all but given up writing. Like, seriously, who had the time?

Then, when Someone gave me the chance to lie flat on my back all day every day for weeks and months on end, I came to a divine conclusion — one can only watch so much HGTV, y’all.

I wrote out of desperation, out of desire, out of connection with the outside world, and often out of the pure need for sanity.

Praising God From My Couch was born.

Fast forward to today and I am off my couch. My life has, in the wise words of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire  “gotflippedturnedupsidedown” SOLA DEO GLORIA.

So, now what?

(crickets)

I have felt a true calling to write and speak and share HIS story though my story.

But, when, Lord? Now? Tomorrow? A week from Friday? Once the kids are in school?

I feel lost, happy, confused, alone, and beautiful in my present state of In-Between.

I see His future for me. I see a ministry built on a stripped-of-all-freaking-pretense active and authentic faith.

But, as for now, Oh glory how I missed this daily stuff. I missed dishes. I missed traffic. I missed, yes, even laundry. Clearly, I was on a lot of medication. And so, for now, I feel joyful, if not flat out blessed to be in this state of In Between.

Loving on my kids. Doing carpool. Making lunches. Refereeing karate matches. Playing with dollhouses. In two years, they will all be gone in school all day every day. All. three. of. them. Then what?!

Well, then I guess I won’t be In Between anymore.

But for now…I rest here. There is peace here.

Genesis 18:19 breathed fresh life into me in between this morning. “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” Gen.18:19

Thank you Jesus for In Between. Thank you for the past, and my couch, and for meeting me there. Thank you for today and one kid in time-out and the other two doing ‘charachter building chores’. And precious Jesus, thank you for In Between today and tomorrow…wherever, whatever, whenever You have it for me.

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13 thoughts on “Five Minute Fridays – “In Between”

  1. Thank you for your kind words on my post 🙂 I *might* have teared up a little bit!

    Reading your post reminded me of all the things that I have gained through this waiting period… things I would have missed otherwise. Thank you for the reminder that God sometimes puts us on hold to give us the opportunity to experience the blessings that we were too busy to see!

  2. Caroline, thank you for sharing. Love the ability to find joy in the midst of great difficulty.

    • Thank you, Shawna. I want to be honest and say I fought it some days. Some days (and weeks) of my medical drama, I fought it tooth and nail. My friend wisely told me once “It’s ok to throw yourself a pity party. Just don’t decorate and hire a band.” So true. Oh the blessing I received (internally, in my spirit, NOT always in my body in healing) I received when I did choose joy. He blessed me greatly. He continues to do so. May He do the same for you…in the ways that matter! love, love.

  3. lindsleydl@aol.com on said:

    Good one. You are blessed to be a blessing!

    Sent from my iPhone

  4. angieryg on said:

    I feel lost, happy, confused, alone, and beautiful in my present state of In-Between.

    I am right with you Dear Sister! Sometimes when you are on the couch, although it is painful, you know where you are. I will pray for your time now and for what He will do in this next season!

    SO glad to connect again!

    Blessings!

  5. Wow, Caroline. What a beautiful, painful, amazingly rich and redemptive story you’re in the midst of. I love this, and I loved ‘hearing’ your voice share this here. I’m excited for you and encouraged by what God has done and is doing in your life. Bless you, friend!

    • Thank you, Amber! Looking forward to connecting again – this was my first FMF, and what a blessing it’s been. May you enjoy your own ‘in between’ moments this week. And, to Him be the glory!

  6. Thank you for sharing this! I love your writing style and I think you are a fantastic writer! I too struggle with finding time to write, but at the same time I feel like it’s what God is calling me to do. I love it.

    Thank you for visiting my blog! God bless!

    • Thanks so much, Ashley! Being a wife, then Mama are clearly our first callings, so I often have to ask myself why I’m focusing on other things first. Tough, but true for me, more often than I’d like to admit. But I do know that God honors obedience, and so, as we live in this ‘in between’ , I’m praying we can cling to that promise! That, and have clean-ish floors and godly kids, too! 🙂

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