I’ve never done this before. I am writing to you right now, on my site. Un-edited. Un-researched. Un-planned out. Today, you’ve got me fresh from the oven.
Normally, my routine is to wait until I have about an hour or two to sit down
Gee, I wonder if that has anything to do with why I’ve blogged once a month lately and write. I open a Word document and begin. I generally type from my stream of consciousness of what God told me yesterday or a week ago, or whenever it was, and then go back over it and edit, re-edit…sleep on it, and edit again. I often wait to post until I think it is a good day of the week to be seen, and then I go on my facebook and post it for all to see. Goodness gracious, that sounds awful.
Not today. Today I just finished my quiet time
for the first time in daaaays and God said something to me. Poor God hasn’t had listening ears to speak to in a few days, I hate it when I do that to Him. Not poor God, though. Obviously. Poor me.
So, today, one of the devotionals I read was titled “It’s OK To Be Human”. But I often don’t think it is. Like my oldest child, I am my own worst critic. I expect so much of myself, especially after all I’ve been through. Have the last five years meant nothing to you? I often ask myself, chastising me for my complacency and laziness in The Word. So, what, now you’re well, and so you get to just go back and live your everyday Mommy world without diving deep into my Word? Nice.
Today, I wanted to go back to bed. Like, really, reeeaaally wanted to go back to bed. In all honesty, I still wish to be snuggled up under my covers. Sister friend is still aslep, the big boys are already off to school, so I wanted to do like I do so many days, and curl up back under my layers of covers and snooze again for as long as humanly possible. But, I didn’t. Instead, I came over to my desk with the sole purpose of working on an online photo book. Not Bible study. Not biblical research for my book. Photos. I chose photo book time over sleep time. But, as I approached this work area, that voice in my head appeared… Oh sure, you’ll lose sleep for photo arranging, but not for quiet time. Wow, girl, you should really go into ministry.
Ugh. That voice annoys me sometimes. It’s not the Holy Spirit. I know this because the Holy Spirit isn’t nearly that tacky. It’s the chastising me-voice that guilts me into things sometimes.
Haven’t been to the homeless church in weeks, have you? Sell-out.
Or if I do go volunteer, then it’s Oh ya sure, you go feed the homeless, but you can’t even honor your husband by keeping a clean, organized home? Way to go!
Ugh. Ever feel like you can’t win for losing? Like you really aren’t doing anything well?
But, then I did hear the Holy Spirit. Thank you, Lord!!
Just come. Even if your motives aren’t pure. Even if you are just doing it to check it off your list for the morning so you can feel better about doing what you really want to do. Just come. I want to be with you. I can speak to you if you will just come.
Sure enough, He can.
The verse that jumped out at me today as the Amplified version of a verse I’ve had memorized since my old flannelgraphs days.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest over me.” (I think that’s right?)
Um, ok. Boast about weaknesses. His grace is all I need. Got it. Sort of.
Honestly, I’ve always been better at boasting in my strengths. It’s remarkable how quickly and easily I can work in “Ya I had a full scholarship to play sports in college…” into a conversation at my kid’s sports practices. Two seconds flat. Sheesh.
But don’t worry, I have, over the last few years, become accutely reminded of my loooong list of weaknesses, and have thankfully learned how to boast in them instead.
But, today, the AMP version of this verse sang a new song over me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (AMP) But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
Do like I did, sweet friend, and read it over and over to yourself. Maybe even out loud. His Word truly does sound pretty when read out loud. See which part speaks to your heart. To me, it was my keen desire to go camping. Not literally, although I do ache for Team Holzberger campout season soon, if our weather could just mellow out. I love Texas.
But, I mean camping in a figurative sense. Oh how I long for the strength and power of Christ my personal Savior, My Messiah, to just flat out pitch a tent smack-dab over my heart and just dwell on me.
Quick, how do I make that happen? How do I make that happen?
Ummm…(looking back in the verse to see the “how to” part)…Dangit. I must gladly GLORY in my weaknesses and infirmities. Gladly glory in them.
Ok, if that’s what it takes. I’ll do it.
I actually did. For a few minutes, I cast off my ghetto glasses held together by paper clips and put my head in my hands and gloried. I confessed some sin.
Ok, a lot of sin. I listed off my least favorite things about myself. I acknowledged all Satan has piled up against me. Then I just waited.
Then I heard it.
Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!
The sound of four tent stakes being pounded into the ground. Right. over. me.
My heart was renewed. My mood lightened. My outlook invigorated. My ho-hum-ness about certain things uplifted.
Just like that.
I gloried in my weaknesses. I really did. I named them and claimed them that He could use them for good and not evil. And here I am admitting all this lame-ness to you.
Thank you Jesus. For your Word that is alive and active. (Hebrews 4:12) For your promises I get to cling to. For your character – you can’t be anything but faithful. You just can’t. And for this day. What will you do with it now???
Sent from my iPad
Thank you sweet friend. 🙂
“Just come.” So simple, so life-giving, and so often I resist. Thank you for your transparency that so often echoes my life.
I hear you sister. Resist. Ignore. Put off. Mis-prioritize. Sometimes just stick my head in the sand. Oh, beautiful the mess we are.
Brava! As I was reading your unedited, this-is-me post and the call to glory in our weakness, I can’t help but think that THIS is what the new generation is doing – not covering up and putting on a good appearance, but laying it all out there. Could it be that authenticity with God and authenticity with others is exactly what God intends? (Um, duh.) Being authentic draws us closer to Him, closer to others, allows others to feel safe with us, allows us to feel safe with God. Tattoo that on your ankle. 🙂