caroline holzberger

Keepin' it real about motherhood, Jesus, life, and everything in between.

Tear It Down

Did you know, my friend, that I didn’t take a shower for over six months? Gross, Caroline!

No, I mean, because of all my medical drama, I wasn’t physically able to stand up long enough to take a shower. So…I became a bath-girl. Not by choice. But for the love of those around me who solidified to me that not-bathing was not an option.

Now, before you get any lofty visions of me bathing which is a bit weird anyway in a beautiful, antique cast-iron, claw-foot tub, with lavender bubble bath and Enya playing softly in the background…please see the below picture.

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My bath is funky.

It’s thirty years old, swirled with flecks of gold (I told myself it was 24 carat) and stained with some sort of gross-ness. I’d bleached and scrubbed time and time again, but it just wouldn’t go away. I told myself it was clean, but my eyes told a different story. Before the medical roller coaster I never used the thing, ever. It creeped me out. But, then when I had to go F.O.B. (Flat.On.Back) I didn’t have a choice. Our other bathtub didn’t hold water and had duct tape repair. This was the only option. For months.

But, now, years later, I am an upright girl. And when Ryan fi-na-lly said we had saved enough money to re-do some of the bathroom, you dang skippy better believe what ‘thing’ I wanted to demolish first. That’s right, friend – this bad boy –

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Can you even believe I bathed in that thing for so long? It gives me the willies. Blech!

But, as you could imagine, when given a sledge hammer and free reign over the destruction of said bath-tub-o-gross-ness I went. to. town.

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The protective eye goggles were for the sanity of Thing One’s husband to not have to come to the rescue of my eyeballs. But, despite the goggles, can you see the pure and everlasting joy on my face?

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Never has a sledge hammer been slung with such pure joy and utter determination.

I wanted to tear. that. thing. down.

And, friend, that’s how I feel now, as well.

Not with any more of my bathroom fixtures, but with all this other junk.

I mean it, I am so done.

I’m done with the busyness of stuff that don’t matter none.

I’m done with the enemy trying to attack my severe lack of discipline.

I’m done with fellow Christians (as in, including me) living life complacent and half-asleep.

Soccer practice. Birthday parties. Science fair. Ha! Clearly not our house! Deadlines. House payments. Political differences. Religious apparel. Luxury SUV’s.

Is this really what it’s all about?

I apologize sort of for my boldness. But, I truly am ready for a revolution. An awakening. A revival, if you will.

I’m ready to tear this Halfway For Jesus idol down for good.

I cannot tell you how many nights I spent in that dirty old bath tub, crying out Our God. Literally crying out His Great Name for healing. Both of those songs brought me to tears, and still do. Along with a few more. Like, this one. And this one. (LINK Blessings) And this one. (Sweet friend, bookmark this blog for the times you need to just cry out to God.)

Oh how I just wanted to be well. Words cannot express how badly I wanted God to take this trial from me.

But, friend, this is my bathroom currently –

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The bath tub is gone… but I’m still crying out. I’m crying out from amidst my dirty sin I’ve been soaking in for way too long.  My sin of laziness. My sin of pride. My sin of selfishness. My sin of worldliness.

My skin is pruned up I’ve been in this icky water too long. Again.

So, let me be clear. My goal here is not to make friends, really. That hurts me to say, because I looooove having friends. I looooove people. But, my love for people has kept me from being 100% totally bold with the words of Truth He gives me.

So…if you want to go along with your life doing what you want, when you want, and how you want – all the while with your Jesus fish on your car, then fine. Please feel free. I will absolutely still be your friend.

But, now, it is time for me to do something different.

NOW it’s time for this songPlease listen. 

“There’s a wave that’s crashing over me…and all I can do is surrender”

“Whatever You’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but now I can see…You’re up to something bigger than me…larger than life…something Heavenly.”

“It’s time to face up, clean this old house, time to breathe in and let everything out.”

“It’s time for something heavenly.”

First order of business is something I talked about last blog – The 7 Experiment. (“Time for a milestone. Time to begin again. Re-evaluate who I really am. Am I doing everything to follow Your will? Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?”)

My denial runs too deep to be nervous about it. My partner in crime is too. You can BE SURE the enemy has been attacking the two of us BIG TIME about this thing. He can go to hell, though. Literally. Like, for eternity.

So… do you wanna jump in with us?

Have you prayed about it?

If not, please do.

Then, LET ME KNOW via comment on my blog (not my facebook) that you will join us. And don’t forget – Jennifer and I are giving away FIVE workbooks for The 7 Experiment.

Would you like to be a lucky winner?

All you have to do is comment on this blog post about why you want to join us, and we will pick the winners before we begin on March 1st. So…I can’t wait to hear from you, dear friends.

God is up to something BIG…I’m just along for the ride. I hope you will ride along.

Let’s let Him tear down every single thing He needs to, in order to bring Him more glory. Shall we?

If you don’t know what I’m talking about then please read my last blog (LINK Splash Water Falls) and catch up. I’d love, love, love for you to join us.

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8 thoughts on “Tear It Down

  1. Bobbi McDaniel on said:

    Caroline, I just wanted to let you know how I’ve loved reading your blog! My daughter, Jen Spencer, goes to The Met church, and introduced me to your writings a few months ago. You are inspiring!

    • What a treat to hear from you! You made my day! Thank you for your kind words or encouragement, they really do mean a lot. Jen is darling and I have loved getting to know her through our sweet boys. And, now I am excited to have a new friend in you, as well. If you are local, you and Jen should come to our 7 Bible study…it’s going to be pretty powerful I am sure. Again, happy to officially ‘meet’ you, Bobbi. God bless you! 🙂

  2. Kristi J. (Dot) on said:

    Ugh, how convicted I am at times. Pele, I can’t even describe to you how much these have been my words and heart in prayers the last four months. Maybe it’s because of my season with three little ones at home and it being so difficult to “go out” and minister and realizing I’m in a season of ministering to my little preschoolers. Sidenote: I took Aidan to gymnastics a couple of months ago and saw this woman (who I’m not judging) with fake nails, tan, bleached hair, tennis outfit, with a glitter cross hat on her head and I actually labeled her a “bejeweled Christian”. :/ Talk about awful right!? I was so upset at how we (including myself) have been doing this half way! I have even had to step back with friends and “to do’s” for a heart check only to feel alone and NEED to rely on Him. So hard! All this to say, I have heard wonderful things about 7 and love Jen Hatmaker. I would say I would love to do this alongside you, but honestly I’m not sure I would love it. In fact, it’d probably kick my tail and confession, I hate accountability. Anyway, I’m so excited and anxious to hear about your journey (with your partner in crime). Adding you to my prayers!

    • Oh sister, you know I can’t let you off the hook with the excuse “I hate accountability”…Dot, you know I can’t let you go that easy, silly rabbit. YOU sweet one are one of my FAVORITE people I ever met at camp. Really. I am THRILLED we are still ‘in touch’ via computer-world and think myself blessed to call you my friend. Now…I totally and completely understand the drowning-type feeling of mothering small kids. Trust me…it is SOOOO hard. Nothing we ‘do’ at work ever stays done. Ever. But, I would LOVE for you, if the H.S. leads you (aka. continues to kick you in the teeth about this) to join us on a study that narrows our vision further into the fasting heart of Jesus. Our world is SO noisy and so FULL of excess, I know I am looking forward to a little (or probably big!) dose of perspective. No pressure, obviously, I know your heart and most of all, Jesus knows your heart. Love love!

  3. Brenda Cook on said:

    Dear sweet Caroline…God brought you into my life for this nudge, push, and “whupping” you just put on me. I am honored to join you in this journey for Jesus.

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