caroline holzberger

Keepin' it real about motherhood, Jesus, life, and everything in between.

Big Pile o’ Yuck

I do not enjoy chores.

I mean, I guess most people don’t genuinely enjoy chores…but I really, totally, 110%, do-not-like-them at all. But, I have some friends weirdos who actually do enjoy cleaning and organizing.

In fact, I am married to one. For better or worse, for clean or for dirty, I am his and he is mine. Poor guy.

I will say, that since riding on the medical roller coaster for so long, I often now find myself joyfully doing chores. I darn near cried while vacuuming last night. Perspective is such a beautiful gift.

But, to keep it real, I admit I still am not necessarily geared toward the clean/organized lifestyle. It takes effort. Lots. and lots and lots and lots Of. Effort.

A few areas I fail at regularly, are as follows:

  1. Dusting. Hate it. Am Annoyed by it. Can’t remember the last time I did it. Period. Moving on.
  2. Toilets. Ugh. That was one of my major chores growing up. Every single Saturday morning. Clean the bathroom. I think I may suffer from PTSD. (Post Toilet Stress Disorder) I may need therapy about this thing, people.
  3. Lastly, but certainly not least-ly… kitchen floors. Oh my stars, (I love you, MSDW!) this one takes the cake. And apparently crumbles that cake all over my stinkin’ kitchen floor.

Honestly though…shouldn’t there be a law against feeding children rice or peas before the age of seventeen? What’s the stinkin’ point? The amount that actually makes the looong journey from their plate to their mouth can’t possibly give them much nutrition. If you disagree, then you clearly have never stepped on a pea barefoot. Or God forbid a mandarin orange. Can I get a witness, here?

So, in order to fulfill the role I feel God called me to I needed to take action. Super neighbor and I came up with a chore schedule to get us through the week. Do a little something every weekday so that your weekends are chore-free. Wahoooo! And there was much rejoicing. Yaaaaa. Monty Python and the Holy Grail is lovely.

So Super Neighbor and I came up with a realistic and attainable goal.

We. Were. Brilliant!

In theory.

Life happens. Soccer practice happens again and again and again. And cub scouts. And church. And choir. And yada, yada, yada. No, FYI we aren’t one of those families that has each of our children in twelve activities at a time. Don’t get me started on that.

But, still. I am a recovering couch dweller here people and I am simply trying to keep my head above water.

So, what happens to my kitchen floor?

Go back and read the title of this post. (Go ahead, I’ll wait…)

That’s right…before you know it, you have nine seconds to yourself and you casually make a stupid mistake and look down at your kitchen floor…like, really look at them. And after throwing up a little in your mouth, you know you must get to work.

As you’re sweeping, you can’t help but think, How did this happen? Did I not just clean this floor a couple weeks days ago? How did all this yuckiness build up so fast?

That’s the thing. Sometimes it doesn’t even look that bad at first…until you sweep it all up into piles. Like, multiple piles here, people. Not ah pile. We’re talkin’ my-ten-square-foot-kitchen-has-more-piles-that-it-does-tiles kind of dirty

You that way? Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.

Lord knows I am. And remarkably He loves me anyway.

Cause, that’s right friend, I ain’t just talking about my kitchen floor.

I let my sin build up, too. Little by little, sometimes lot by lot until all of a sudden God lovingly brings something to my life to act as a Sovereign Swiffer to show me how these little sins have piled up to form one ginormous pile o’ yuck.

Sheesh. Where did all that sin come from? It didn’t look that bad at first.

And, if you are at all like me Lord help you, you stare at your big ol’ pile and you’re astonished to see so much grimy envy, honey worldly cheerios, and crumbs from every prideful word you’ve spoken and thought you’ve had.

What a mess!

How in the world did it get this bad?


Sin and Satan.

Our enemy is real and he is pissed. He doesn’t get to go to heaven. Ever. And IF you have personally accepted Jesus as your Savior then he knows that you do get to go to heaven. For-ever. That would make me mad too, I guess. But, Satan’s one and ONLY goal is to steal, kill, and destroy the abundant life God has planned for us.

I’ve said it a million times…Satan isn’t trying to get you 180 degrees off course. He’ll settle for just 1 degree off from God’s plan. Ask anyone who’s ever sailed a boat. One degree makes all the difference in the world as to whether you get to your destination or not.

Ps. You don’t.

So, if Satan can’t have you for eternity, you can bet he’ll do all he can to make you completely ineffectual for Jesus while you are here on earth. Satan can’t be in God’s kingdom, so he doesn’t want you doing anything good for it while you’re here on earth.

I’ve heard it wisely said that “the enemy doesn’t have to try and get us to do his will, he just has to convince us to insist on our own.” Then he wins.

And, as my beloved pastor  of my awesome church, Bill Ramsey, says “The good news – you can have all of God that you want. The bad news – right now, you have about all of God that you really want.”


That one stings a lot little.

So, I said to myself, “Self, it’s the enemy’s fault. He gets the blame and I can move on.”

Nice try, Me.

Have you ever heard of a Bible guy named Paul? He puts it perfectly in his letter to the church in Rome.

You (and especially I) are partly to blame here.

We make choices.

We set priorities.

We make excuses.

We feel justified.

With each one, we pile up more yuck to be swept up at a later date. A more convenient date. Most of all, a date of our choosing.

Like, maybe when someone is coming over for a playdate. Dangit, now I have to sweep the kitchen!

That’s just exactly what so many Christians do before going to church. Gotta clean it up before we get around those other Christians, right?


I had a sweet friend tell me once that she swept her kitchen floor after every single meal.

Not after every day…but every meal.

I laughed out loud.

Then, I realized she wasn’t kidding.

Hmm…maybe I’ll just serve one meal a week. Perfect.

My retarded reply – “Ugh. I hate sweeping! Don’t you? Why make yourself do that after every single meal?!”

Her reply was brilliant. Please get this, friend…

“I have to. If I don’t, things get completely out of hand!”

N-5. Bingo!

Reading a ten minute devotional in the morning ain’t enough for me. Maybe it is for you. If so, great! But, it is NOT enough for me! I guess my kitchen floor gets dirtier than other people’s in a shorter amount of time. No, I’m not bragging in my sin. I’m not rejoicing at the lost cause I may seem to be sometimes. I’m just telling you the truth.

Over these last few months of trying to get well, regain strength, run my home, cook meals (like, real ones!) do laundry, carpool, practice after practice, and still try to bless others who have blessed me – I’ve been desperately trying not to lose my intimate relationship with Jesus. And, friend, I’ve flat out blown it more times than I could tell you.

Pile after pile after pile.

But, you know what?

God’s sovereign Swiffer rocks!

He likes to sweep.

You know what else? He likes me clean.

He likes me when I’m unclean too, but He knows how much better my life is clean.

Not spotless, mind you. I ain’t even trying to project that type of image.

No way Jose.

What I am saying, is that, if you let Him, if you really truly with a humble heart, let Him – He’ll get you so clean inside, that you can’t help but want to sweep after every single meal.

It may not be fun. But, that’s life. Pruning ain’t fun. But, it’s necessary to bear more fruit. It is for His glory.

And, if it brings Him more glory for my floor to be clean, then so be it. I’ll sweep after every meal.

Yes, even me.

With the sin stuff. Not with my real kitchen. Sorry- ain’t happening.

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4 thoughts on “Big Pile o’ Yuck

  1. henrymclaughlin on said:

    Funny, real, and right on target. Excuse me while I remove the arrow.

  2. I have no idea who you are or how I ended up finding your writing and subscribing to it, but, oh happy day! Thank you for sharing so transparently of my life (and kitchen floor!) ;o) My favorite parts (other than the point that always hits home) are the words you cross out and then replace…love that!

    Deb Weaver

  3. If I’m following your line of thinking, it probably isnt

  4. Let me start that again…If I’m following your line of thinking, it probably isn’t a good idea to get a dog to clean the yuck off the floor for me. That’s what I’m tempted to do but I’m thinking God doesn’t want us taking short cuts. 🙂

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