caroline holzberger

Crappity Crap Crap

I am sure, when you were young, there were more than a few words deemed “bad words” in your home. Being that we were all raised differently, I doubt we’d have the exact same list of words. Yes, for the most part, our Moms probably didn’t drop the ‘f-bomb’ before breakfast, but other than that and a few others of its four-letter-word friends, our lists may be very different.

In my home now, we have my middle son, Benjamin, who acts as our very own ‘word police’. It’s a mystery how the kid can hear a bad word from across the house, yet can’t hear me yelling “Your shoes are right there!” when I’m standing right next to him. Go figure.

In Benjamin’s world of bad words, there are the three major offenders.

Obviously, there’s the s-word. He catches me on this one all the time.

(To my friend on the phone) “Oh I know, I was so stupid to even think I could fit into that dress—“ (from across the house) “MaaaaMaaa…we don’t say that word, remember!?!” “Yes Benjamin, thank you buddy!”

Then, there’s the h-word. Yes, I let this one slip all the time, too.

(To Ryan) “Ugh, I hate it when I can’t remember what I was about to say…” (from the backyard) “MaaaaMaaa…we don’t say that word, remember!?!” “Yes Benjamin, thank you buddy!”

Lastly, there’s the worst of all — the three word phrase. This one makes him gasp.

(To a friend) “If I don’t get at least seven hours of sleep, Oh my gosh, it will not be pretty!” (from down the street) “MaaaaMaaa…we don’t say that, remember!?!” “Yes Benjamin, thank you buddy!”

Sweet baby boy. Now if I could just get him to turn his dirty socks right side out, we’d call him trained.

In my home growing up, there was one word that truly drove my Mom nuts. It was frowned upon, gasped at, and pretty much forbidden for most of my life. (Hence the title of this post)

You guessed it. My major bad word growing up was – crap.

I’m not sure what the basis for her disgust was. I assume it’s due to the fact that during the height of the crap-word-using time in my life (middle school) she was not only raising a crap-sayer, but also teaching crap-sayers as well. I have a feeling it was just too much for her.

Either way, she didn’t like that word one bit.

I wish I could tell you that her distaste of the word ‘crap’ caused me to diligently train myself to use it no longer…but that would be a lie, and Jesus sees what I’m typing, so I’m keeping it real. That’s right, Jesus sees what I’m typing and thinking and the motives behind what I’m typing and thinking.

Crap.

(Sorry, Mom)

But, honestly, without breaking the ‘socially acceptable’ vulgar words that belong on the obscene list, crap isn’t all too bad. I personally didn’t see the point in her distaste, after all, it’s not like I was cussing.

Didn’t matter.

Mom hated, (MaaaaMaaa…) oops, I mean strongly disliked the word, and that was that.

Friend, unfortunately, it is still a word in my vocabulary. I am sort of working to cut off completely.

And, here I am, vnoashgsosh years after being a teenager in angst, yet I still resort to my old craptastic ways faster than you could spell…well, crap.

The only reason I bring all this up is because I have been trying for a week now to sit down and write this to you. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed writing. I’ve missed being in His presence when I do this thing. My personal spiritual relationship with Jesus has been, on my part, crappy. No other way to say it.

I have been so very busy.

Life has been so very crazy.

I have been so very lazy.

I didn’t want to write to you about this for lots of reasons. Beginning with pride and ending somewhere along the undisciplined track.

But, then it dawned on me that the enemy wins that way. Satan would love to keep us quiet, alone and afraid. He wants us to huddle up in the dark somewhere and not share anything with anyone about what we are going through.

Well take that, Satan! I am about to take my sin of pride, selfishness, envy, laziness, and worst of all, spending NO real quality time in His Word for the last few weeks and post it on the internet! Where, if desired, thousands of people can read it. So, ha! I hope that one hurt!

Anyway, my precious friend, the vision God has given me for this blog is, as always, to just keep it real with what I’m going through. And unfortunately, what has been real in my life lately is a bunch a worldy crap.

There you have it.

So, now I have confessed this mess to Jesus. And now I’ve admitted it to all of you.

I’m back.

Grace wins.

Satan loses.

Wahooo!

And now, dear friend, I would love for you to share with me how craptastic times have brought you down as well, but how God has redeemed them. The other vision He has given me for this blog is that this become like a little forum for us to do life together, laugh together and lift each other up while we lift up the name of Jesus.

So, please comment and let me know your crap and His good. Give Him glory and let’s build each other up. Right out here in the broad daylight. Let’s kick Satan in the groin with the purifying and forgiving grace of Jesus Christ.

Amen and amen.

(And Mom, I really am sorry about all the ‘c-words’…but it’s better than that UHaul story I could have told, right? That sure was a mighty big truck, huh Mom? 🙂 )