caroline holzberger

Keepin' it real about motherhood, Jesus, life, and everything in between.

crying out again

ok, so do you know that in the last year i have….

literally received probably 50 meals from friends, family, ryan’s co-workers, church members…all just wanting to help us during this time and bless us…..

received FREE babysitting from countless friends, during times when they surely had better things to do that take care of my kiddos….

been chauffeured around town to appointments, Bible study, events, etc….because i couldn’t drive myself, just so i didn’t miss out on everything….

received very generous and anonymous gifts in the mail, just to bless our family during this tough financial time……

been prayed over multiple times, by multiple people, through tears, wanting my healing as badly as i do….

been prayed for by hundreds (who knows, maybe thousands) of people….some of whom don’t even know me personally…..

been over-accomodated to make sure i was comfortable and as free from pain as possible…for instance, my “girls” always having the couch ready for me to crash on at Bible study….knowing there was no way i could sit upright and make it the whole time…..

grown so very much closer to my dearest friends during this time, as they have truly seen the good, bad and the super ugly of every side of my emotion throughout this all and they love me still….(that still baffles me)

grown leaps and bounds in my relationship with God through this season…in a way i KNOW i could not have without this trial, this wilderness, this refining fire, this thorn…..i trust Him more, love Him more, rely and absolutely need Him more than i ever have in all my life….and i still KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, i have so much further to go….

PSALM 69:30 “I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.”

i truly do have so much to be thankful for. i can see. i can hear. my family is healthy and they love me. i belong to an amazing church who ACTS like Jesus and steps up to serve. i am surrounded by friends and family who support, pray and lift me up.

am i still sad? sure. but, this morning when i cry out, i have chosen to see all God has given me, all He has blessed me with. it is a choice how to view these things. often, i choose the wrong way, i get stuck in the thoughts of worry, fear, sadness, self-pity. but this morning, God has filled me with hope, peace and joy. i still miss my kids and my man and my home terribly. but i WILL praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. i will. and when i can’t, when i am weak, He will lift me up once again. he can’t be anything but faithful to me and he can’t be anything but faithful to you, friend. rest in that promise, as i do.

amen.

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