caroline holzberger

Keepin' it real about motherhood, Jesus, life, and everything in between.

my name

so, the last few days have been pretty long. let me say that again….. the last few days have been looooooong.

but i am blessed. because i have been waiting for days like this for months and months. in fact, for the last ten months, i have been requiring SO much help from SO many different people in order to just function in my every day life. this medical drama has been so trying, so tiring, so difficult. God has been more than faithful though, and He has blessed me with so many people who have been more than gracious to help. like is said, i am blessed.

but, i have so very much been looking forward to getting back to my “normal” life as soon as possible. and while i would surely not say that i am there yet…i can honestly say that the last few days have given me a pretty good glimpse. and this glimpse has been about all that my sweet old self can handle at this point. 🙂

i love my kiddos. i mean it. i am pretty darn crazy about them. they make me laugh and brighten my world ALL the time!!! but the three of them are all under the age of six, and therefore require a lot from mommy. mama. mom. ma. moooom…..whatever you want to call me. but, be assured they call me. in fact, someone is A L W A Y S calling me….for something. the last two days have been a little like this…. (actually i don’t have enough time to type up about the last two days, so i will just let you know how things went yesterday from about 8:16am to about 8:21am)
(jacob is almost 6, benjamin is almost 4 and abigail is 16 months)

8:16am
J: mom, can i have some more water?
B: mama, where’s my sippy cup?
J: moooom, why did he get the blue sippy cup this time, it’s my turn to have the blue sippy cup!
B: mom, i wanted ice cold water, this isn’t ice cold
B: mom, i would like a snack too, please…why can’t i have a snack before breakfast?
J: mama, i have to go pee pee
B: mom, me too, oops, i pee peed on the floor and the trash can
B: moooom, come sit on the stool by me while i pee pee
A: (from somewhere in the house) mama, watch! mama, watch!
J: mom, where’s abigail?
B: moooom, abigail put her hands in the potty!!
J: mama, benjamin didn’t wash his hands
B: mom, yes i did, i just did a little bit
A: mama! eat! mama! eat!
J: mom, can i have cheerios please?
B: mama, i want the squares cereal
J: mom, i changed my mind, i want fruit loops….no wait, i want cheerios, but i want honey
B: mama, i want squares still, but can i have honey too?
A: MAMA! EAT! MILK! MAMA! EAT!
J: mom, when can we have pancakes again?
B: mama, ooooh, ya i want pancakes too!
A: mama watch! (as she drops milk onto floor)
(ugh. boys-we are having cereal this morning!)
J: ok mom, so i want cheerios with honey but i don’t want to drink the milk.
J: mom, who’s coming over today to play?
B: mama, where are our vitamins? i want two yellow ones please!
J: mom, i get to pick the color first this time!
B: mama, can we play baseball after we eat?
B: mama, where’s daddy already? can he throw the ball when he gets home?
B: mama, can we watch dora after we eat breakfast?
B: mama, how many more bites do i have to take?
B: mooooom, abigail threw her cheerios on the floor

8:21am – end scene

8:22am – mom hides in closet and changes name to daddy 🙂

just teasing there. daddy does a lot in our house. a whole lot. but right now, daddy has escaped to what i like to call the magical place of “Grownup-land” and there, no one asks you to feed them or wipe any of their body parts, and the inhabitants are rarely sticky. and i would venture to say that he can go more than five minutes without hearing his name called 641 times. sigh.

again, i love my kids…but sometimes (ok, often) the sheer NON-STOP-NESS of it flat wears me out. they are very good kids. they really are. they get along pretty well with each other. they obey pretty well and use good manners….but they are small. for the most part, they aren’t self-sufficient. that is where i come in. that is where mom, mama, mommy, mooooooom or some variation of that gets spurted out every 12 seconds or so by one of them. so far it has been mainly the boys…but now sweet abigail has joined in. her favorite new game is, “mama, watch!” she says it all the time now, right before she does a trick. it is precious. but, again…it has taken the daily tally of name calling up a few hundred notches.

i am thrilled that ryan has his new job, but as he’s getting adjusted, i am treading water. just keeping my head above water amidst the torrential downpour of mama, mommy, and mooooom’s throughout my day. and since he worked from 7:00am-8:30pm yesterday….you can imagine i hit quite a record. so, today, still recuperating from the blow i faced yesterday… i did my best to stay afloat. but i kinda felt like i was trying to balance and float on a little rubber ducky….got the mental image? ya, not ideal.

then God really spoke to me. He said…”you know, if you would come to Me, even half as much as they come to you…this day would not be hard for you.”

ouch.

i began this day and yesterday too, in fact…spending good time with Him. and at night, i am reading a GREAT book right now about relying on HIM through tough times(very applicable for my life lately)…i read Scripture in the mornings every day…but I’m telling you what, that truth hit me like a ton of heavenly bricks.

so true, God. i should absolutely be calling out to you at least that much throughout my day.

Lord, help me be patient with my kids!!
God, thank you for their good health!
Jesus, i am so tired, please strengthen me!
Father God, i cannot do this alone!
Lord, forgive me for losing my temper with them!
God, give me kind words to say right now
Lord, let me use this teachable moment
God, give me more energy to play and not just crash on the couch
Lord, help me put myself last
God, what a blessing these kids are!
Jesus, teach me what you want me to know today!

no end to this scene

of course, now, it is late. i am beyond exhausted. should be sleeping, but i had to write this out in thanks to God. they are all sleeping so sweetly in their beds now. boy they all look so sweet and small and helpless and quiet when they sleep. i absolutely looooooove watching them when they sleep.

forgive me Father for losing my patience today. for getting frustrated. for raising my voice. for expecting them to understand how tired mommy is. for putting too much on their shoulders to bear. YOU alone can handle that burden. even i can’t. take it. tomorrow is a better day. i am so blessed that i get to be home with them, spending this great precious time with them. i wouldn’t trade it for anything. thank you so much for that. i need your strength. i need your peace. i need your patience. i need your wisdom. i need your kind words. i need so much more of you and so very much less of me. every time they call out my name Lord, help me to call out Your Name.

amen.

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One thought on “my name

  1. This is the best blog post I've read in a long time! You had me literally laughing out loud, then nodding my head in agreement. Oooohhhh, yes. I promise several times a day that I'm going to change my name. How thankful I am that God never, ever gets tired or annoyed when I come to Him with my every need.

    Love you, sweet friend. 11 more days until you have one less “mooooommm!” for a short 7 hours a day!

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